Stunted
by CaptainEliJackson
Summary: Eli, an emotionally stunted bastard of a girl is finally thrown into the world of the Survey Corps. Of course, things aren't always as clear cut as they seem. Especially when her small world collides with Levi Ackerman's. Things are about to get messy. [Certain chapters will be rated M and will be marked as so for readers' awareness]
1. Prologue

**_Prologue_**

I held my fist firmly to my chest as I saluted along with the rest of the new recruits. It was the last day of training for all of us; our hearts set firm for where the next steps will take us. Some (at the top of the class) had their sights set on the Military Police, others on the Garrison Regiment, and only a select few had even thought to devote their lives to the Scouts. I wasn't exactly proud to say that I was one of those few. Still, we had a few days to really decide where we would go and it was almost common knowledge that when the commander of the Scout Regiment would come up on that stage and tell us what their duties entailed that anyone who had even given the idea of joining them a mere _thought_ would turn away in fear for their little lives.

For me though, it seemed like the most logical option.

Everything I've been though, everything I've fought to be right here in this moment wasn't going to lead me to live the easy life in the inner cities, or to sit lounging on the walls with dusty gear. I truly believed that I had been raised up from my past to become something great or at least die trying to make this world a better place.

The lighting around us flickered ominously as Shadis looked over us with those shadowed eyes one last time before dismissing us and walking away. The cadets around me cheered and chattered away as they dispersed and I couldn't help but just stand there, trying not to delve too deep in my thoughts.

 _"The hard part is over!"_

 _"We should celebrate!"  
_

I looked up to the stars in disbelief as the others spouted words of happiness and relief. This was the easy part. A part of them should've known, and I'm guessing a part of them truly did, but they were shoving the fact deep down inside themselves for another day. Perhaps I should've done the same.

"You're too serious, Eli." a deep voice boomed as a hand clapped itself down on my shoulder. "Cheer up a little, we're done! We graduated!"

I looked up to the tall teen standing over me, blue eyes sparking with excitement. Anna was strong, bold, and fucking intimidating when he wanted to be. But he was also my first and only friend since I've been a part of the Cadet Corps. We bonded for getting so much flack for our names. Anna for a boy, Eli for a girl...it was ludicrous and I almost laughed!

"This is just the easy part, An. You know thi-"

"I know, I know! But _still!_ Loosen up, you only graduate once." he says, effectively cutting me off with a wink and guiding me elsewhere.

I felt like shrinking into myself as Anna guided me though the crowd, girls and guys cooed and waved over him. It wasn't surprising, in fact it was normal. He was tall, muscular, tanned, and with that chocolate brown hair that any girl would _kill_ to run their hands through. And by the looks I was getting, they'd kill me just to take my spot by his side.

"Where're we going?" I drawled as we passed the sea of hormonal teenage girls and Anna just shrugged.

"I thought maybe old friends could have some decent food together for once." he shrugged and a part of me felt shamefully gooey inside. I wasn't someone that become emotionally compromised so easily. Surely I wouldn't meet my stoic end from one dinner...right? Right.

We ended up sitting down in an empty part of the compound with a small bag of bread and steamed potatoes between us. It was quiet despite the crickets and I could feel something drop in my gut when I noticed Anna's blue eyes were clouded over with thought and worry.

"Something on your mind?" I asked, taking another bite of my dinner. He pursed his lips for a moment before picking at his bread. "Anna..."

"I think I wanna join the MP."

I swallowed my food quickly and smiled at him as honestly as I could. "That's great!" I said, but he just looked at me with that intimidating face of his.

"I want you to come with me." he mumbled, his bread completely destroyed at this point.

"You know I can't do that. I wasn't in the top ten."

Anna scoffed and looked away. "Eleven's close enough."

"It's close, but it won't get me anywhere." I say and I can tell he just wants to start pacing. He wants to tell me that I _could've_ been in the top teen if I'd tried harder, that I was great with my gear but didn't show my true potential because I was lazy. "But you're serious about this?"

"It's where Mom would've wanted me to go."

Yeah. That shuts me right up.

We finish our dinner in silence and he walks me back to my room before we part ways for the night. Anna offered me a small smile before walking away but it never reached his eyes. Maybe it finally dawned on him that this would be one of the last times we'd see each other.

Maybe.

...

The next few days pass in a blur as everyone focuses on what regiment they plan on joining. I see Anna a couple times in the blur but he seems preoccupied with something, never really stopping to say hello; he only graces me with a nod of the head. I can see what he's trying to do. He's trying to distance himself from me to lessen the oncoming pain of never seeing his friend again. But then again maybe I was being melodramatic...maybe he was distancing himself from me because he realized what an emotionally stunted, old bastard I was. An eighteen year old among fifteen year olds and never been fucked. Well, I'm pretty sure none of them have either but that wasn't the point.

What was my point?

I shook my head to clear away my rambling thoughts and trudged on back to my room. It was late and tomorrow was the day that everyone chose which regiment that they wanted to be in. Tonight was going to be my last real sleep until I entered a world that would constantly try to fuck me over. And surprisingly, the room was empty when I arrived. All the other cadets that I shared it with must've been out partying still instead of taking it seriously like myself and a few others here.

I sunk down onto my mattress and ran a hand through my long auburn hair, ruffling the kinks out once it had been released from its ponytail for the day. Though my mind kept wandering back to Anna's sudden distance from me. On one hand, I wasn't surprised. But on the other...he was me friend. My _only_ friend in fact and the sudden loss of communication made me feel totally...replaceable. I wouldn't dare try to deny the ache in my chest right now. It hurt.

But a knock on the door made me quickly shove all my hurt back inside and by the time I'd answered the door my stoic mask was back in place even _despite_ the person who had come to see me.

Anna stood in the doorway looking more than a little ashamed of himself.

"Hey Eli..." he said, nervously rubbing the back of his neck with one hand whilst shoving the other in his front pocket like any embarrassed kid would. I cocked an eyebrow at the display and stepped aside if he wanted to come in.

The teen lumbered into the room and I could feel the tension thicken in the air tenfold as neither of us said anything. I swore I could hear the seconds tick by, even with the lack of clocks in the room. "An, why'd you come?" I finally decided to ask.

Anna damn near jumped at my voice and his eyes met mine for the first time in days. He looked like he was filled to the absolute brim with guilt.

"I didn't want to part ways on bad terms." he says finally. I nod in understanding, but somewhere deep inside me something deflates. What was I expecting anyways? A serenade with a complete essay on how he secretly loved me, complete with citations of memories we've-

Oh my God, I'm turning into an idiot.

"I'm sorry, what?" I ask, missing what he had said last while I was addressing my idiocy. Anna just smiled crookedly and shook his head.

"I said...we'll find a way to see each other after this. I don't want to leave any of my friends that choose different paths in the dust. Especially not you, Eli. Hell, if anything I'd bring you with if they'd let me!" he laughed. I couldn't help but smirk myself, his happiness was positively infectious.

"Or maybe you could come with me, since the other way around doesn't seem to be feasible." I joked, but Anna rolled his eyes and crossed his arms in a huff.

"You're gonna get yourself killed with those idiots, Eli. If you were smart you'd join the Garrison. Maybe that way it'd be easier to see you." he mumbled and I could feel the tips of my ears burn a bright red.

"You _know_ why i'm choosing the Scouts. Don't let your blindness of the situation get the best of you." I huffed as I turned around and grabbed a brush for my hair. "You're my best friend, and despite everything that's going on currently, all I want is your support."

"Support?" he scoffs. I sigh.

"I want you to be proud." the words barely escape my lips with even a fourth of the gusto that I had planned on using. In fact it seemed more like a whisper and my hand clenched around the brush, threatening to snap the damned thing in half. Anna's arms fall to his sides and he frowns.

I close my eyes and will away the whirlwind of sudden emotions inside me. But when I was almost calm, a gentle hand tips my face up. Hazel eyes meet blue and I want to know what's going on in his head for acting all fucking ballsy like this.

"I'm always proud of you Eli, and I always will be. No matter where life takes us and we're miles and miles apart, and even when I'm being total jerk-" he pauses to laugh and I easily join in with him this time. "I will always be cheering you on and if that involves slicing up Titans then so be it. I'll be proud."

My eyes can't help but flutter close as he seals his small, but moving speech with a kiss. Our lips move slowly but rhythmically together and it feels like lightning and butterflies are crashing around in my gut. Eventually, Anna pulls back and our eyes meet again in a new light.

Hazel against blue...

The memory feels fuzzy against my chest as I stand with all the rest of the cadets, saluting to the commander of the Survey Corps. I can spot Anna standing a little ways away in front of me but mostly I keep my eyes straight. The commander gives an incredibly powerful speech and I can even see some of the cadets shaking and when he dismisses all that want to leave, it's like I'm fighting a current. People push past everyone to get the hell out, but I don't get the chance to catch a glimpse of Anna as he walks out.

I don't catch a glimpse of anyone, they were all blurs, gone in a second. I exhale a deep breath as I'm left standing in a mostly vacant space, save for a few shaking cadets here and there. Had everyone abandoned us so fast?

The commander thanks us for bravery and dedication in his booming voice and I feel myself shiver a little. This was it. This was what I was waiting for.

This is what I've been dreaming of.

I was now a member of the Survey Corps.


	2. Moving In

The sun was beating down on us harshly as all the new recruits stood in a line, waiting to be addressed. There weren't that many of us to be honest and I think it put a damper on the other captains' moods, they had most likely expected more. But then again, how could they not have expected this? Morale for the Scouts was at an all time low. Citizens and future soldiers have seen what should've been called a damn funeral procession for the return of each mission. Bodies of loved ones covered in tarps and the shadows of death casted over the eyes of the leftover mangled soldiers did more than enough to turn even the bravest soldier away. However, all the failed missions and overwhelming deaths were only two reasons why people would never want to join.

I highly suspected that it was the Titans that remained the true reason of why soldiers didn't want to join us. I could laugh aloud at that! As if they think they were highly trained on 3DMGs just to wear the damned equipment for show. As if they'd never face a titan in the entirety of their careers, especially the Military Police. The only thing keeping a respectful thought of them was Anna. Lucky them.

But to simply join the Scouts thinking yourself to be brave or noble, was a fucking stupid motive. I could glance down the line of new recruits and say with full confidence that each and every one of these people had a personal reason for being here. Whether it was for vengeance of some sort or even a fucking death wish, who knew. I definitely had my own reasons, but that was a story for another day.

Right now I was trying to ignore the beads of sweat that were crawling their way down the nape of my neck as the captains were discussing which cadet to place in what team. I wouldn't even try to remember all the names that were being called out, except for the captains. I'd try to remember those ones.

Try. The key word was try.

Uniforms were passed out by a handful of the veterans once we were able to break our salute. Then suddenly, we're ushered along to our new rooms and unlike the cadets from training, these people were mostly solemn, save for a few of the chattier ones that couldn't help but ask questions. The rest of us were kind of in this "fuck it" mode. We were tired and hungry from moving all our personal shit from one place to another in wee hours of the morning only to stand at attention until the late hours of the afternoon for some serious briefing. Oh, the joys of being in the military. One girl (I forget what her name was) turned to me, as if she could see the excitement and positivity oozing out of me in rainbows, and smiled as words came pouring out of her mouth faster than I could comprehend. Her light red hair bounced and swished in an almost obnoxious way as she walked...was I this much of an ass twelve hours ago?

Probably.

So when the girl turned to me with her forty-seventh assumption, obvious statement, or whatever else that came flying out of her mouth, I turned and put my pointer finger across those full lips of hers. Her eyes grew wide as she settled her gaze onto my own and we stopped walking altogether. "Name." I asked, my voice low.

"P-Perta..." she mumbled, trying to move her lips against my finger.

"Petra, shush." I said with a pointed look and moved my finger away from her face. The girl looked absolutely appalled!

"I just..."

I sighed a little through my nose. "Look, nothing against you or anything. I'm just-"

"Cranky?" she asked, a hint of a smile on her lips. My eyes narrowed and a small smirk found its way onto my face as I pointed a finger at her, but I didn't say anything. She wasn't wrong, but I just didn't want to admit she was right. Petra put her hands up in defense and took a step back. "Alright, alright. So you're not the talkative type?"

"Maybe?" I shrugged. I wasn't quiet when I was around Anna, but I never really had any other friends. Petra looked my face over before we started walking together once more, although this time it was much calmer. We were far behind the other cadets so most of the rooms were taken; Petra and I stood there for a few moments trying to find a vacant room.

"Wait!" she said, stopping once more and I couldn't help but throw my head back and sigh as I turned back to her.

"Yes?" I asked.

"I didn't get your name." she said and something clicked inside my head. Of course she hadn't, I was too busy being a complete prat.

"It's Eli."

 _"Oi, brats."_

Both of our heads snapped over to see two of the captains standing a little ways down the hall. A woman with a messy ponytail and glasses while the other was a shorter man with pale skin and jet black hair. I could just barely hear the soft _pop_ of Petra's lips when they fell open as he gave us a bored looking once over and I bumped her arm so she would salute with me. But when she jumped to attention the man looked like he fighting the urge to roll his eyes at us.

"At ease." he said and the woman next to him gave a light giggle, the sound giving Perta and I a sense of ease. Our hands fell to the smalls of our backs simultaneously. The man clicked his tongue as he looked around at all the other new recruits that were carrying shit into their rooms and turned back to us with that blank expression of his. "You two are late." he stated.

"Our apologies, Captain." I said, the sound of my voice matching his expression with great accuracy. A small part of me thought his eye twitched out of annoyance but it was quickly brushed away as he turned around and beckoned us with a wave of his hand as he walked back down the hall. Petra and I exchanged quick glances as we followed but remained silent.

I felt like he was the type of person to make the cadets sleep in the cells below the compound if he wanted to.

"You two get to share the shitty room since you allowed yourselves to be late." he said, stopping at a door at the end of the hall. I looked at Petra and she looked at me and we shrugged.

"That's fair," she concluded as she stepped inside to look around. I looked over at the two captains, fighting the urge to give the little man a once over of his own but instead, I settled on a small smile and looked up at him through my hooded eyes.

"It's perfect, Captain. Thank you." I said and bowed a little as I took a step backwards into the room and swiveled around on my heel to look around. I could hear another click of someone's tongue as the sound of footsteps carried voices away.

 _"Brat."_

I wanted to laugh, but I didn't and turned my head to look at Petra. She was sitting on a small cot with her chin in her hand, smiling. "Are we friends?" she asked, looking at me with those big eyes of hers and I knew I was fucked.

"...Yes." I said and her smile turned into a gentle one as she patted the spot next to her and I sat down a little ungracefully.

"Can I tell you something?" she asked, I nodded. "Don't tell anyone though, I could get a lot of hell for it."

I freigned surprise and leaned back onto my hands. "I thought you were to innocent to curse."

Petra scoffed and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear as she looked away. "You don't even know me!" she said and I shrugged.

"We share a room now. It's gonna be a learning experience for the both of us." I reminded her and she blew out her cheeks for some reason. I just quirked an eyebrow. "Anyways..."

Petra studied me for a moment before ultimately standing up and brushing herself off. "Never mind. I think I'm just gonna unpack for now." she said and I rested my chin in the palm of my hand as I watched her move about. A blush slowly crept onto her face as she felt me staring her down. "What?" she asked, putting a hand on her hip. My eyes narrowed as a smile stretched itself over my face and I absolutely _adored_ the look on her face as her blush intensified and her eyes widened out of irritation. She looked like an angry twelve year old!

"You like the captain, don't you Petra?"

Her mouth bobbed open and closed like a fish and I snickered as I leaned over to my rucksack to unpack.

"C-Captian Levi? I-"

"Ah, so that's his name." I quipped and Petra huffed, actually stomping her foot out of frustration. God, this woman was an open book...but I suppose that's what made her so endearing. She was hyper and overly talkative when she first interacted with me, but now she was calm albeit severely annoyed from my assumptions of her affections for Captain Levi. Maybe she was just like that before because she was nervous...I didn't know for sure, but now that I thought about it, it made sense. Whatever the cause, I was starting to like the girl. "Ah, whatever. I don't care. Do what you will with your love life, however short it may be."

Petra rolled her eyes as she pulled a shirt out of her bag. "Eli, we're both shorter than he is. Especially you...you troll." she said with a huff, but we both just ended up laughing after that. She was absolutely right!

"Touché." I said with a slight smile. I think I was gonna like living with Petra.


	3. Stranded

It quickly became apparent that Petra and I would be doing everything together. Living together was one thing, but spending every meal together, being in the same squad, and even in our spare time, we were basically attached at the hip. It wasn't all that bad as I thought it'd be though. Petra was very personable and kind to everyone even though she was a complete brat to me. I liked to think that I was the only person she acted like that towards and it put a little warm feeling in my chest. Training, however, was possibly the best part of working with Petra (except for the constant praising of Captain Levi after she finally admitted her affections). We've been practicing working in tandem, tag-teaming titan dummies during practice and working it to a point of damn near perfection. Our captain called our technique odd and undesirable but for some reason, The Commander didn't have a problem with it. Something in those sparking blue eyes let us know he saw potential. _Maybe._ Captain Levi however, did not. With every training session that he attended, he stood and watched us with distain, which only made poor Petra squirm. I just rolled my eyes and pressed on with whatever I was doing.

Petra was especially squirmy today though, it was our first expedition outside the walls. We had been kept busy the past few weeks with constant cleaning, tending to the horses, training, and even more cleaning. The poor girl was fumbling with adjusting her stirrups as we got our horses ready for the day. Sighing, I placed a hand on her shoulder to try and calm her nerves. "Relax, you're going to be fine."

Petra sighed and turned her head to look at me. "How can you be so sure?" she asked and I shrugged.

"I know you're not dying without _at least_ kissing The Captain's face." I said and Petra burned a bright red before turning back around and abruptly fixed her stirrup and put it in its place. I clicked my tongue and laughed. It wasn't exactly a pep talk, but it definitely did the job. We both mounted our horses shortly after that and went to join the rest of the squad for instructions. The gear weighed heavily on my hips as I sat atop my horse and the sun was hot, but I listened closely as our "junior" team captain spoke to us. I think his name was Alec Strauss? I can just barely recall Petra scolding me about remembering the names of our superiors one night while I was half asleep.

"...and remember, the point is to avoid titans at all costs. If someone sees one, shoot a flare, and the unit changes direction. Only engage a titan when absolutely necessary. Got it?" Strauss said as he mounted his own horse. We all agreed in unison and immediately headed off to join the rest of the soldiers. I could feel a pair of steely eyes burning into the back of my head when we arrived, but I fought the urge to look around.

"What did you do to The Captain?" Petra said in a harsh whisper as she leaned in. _"He's staring daggers at you!"_

I hunched my shoulders a little bit as I twisted my neck to meet his gaze and suddenly, we were locked into an intense staring contest for some reason. It only lasted a few seconds until The Commander gave the signal to head out. Captain Levi whipped his reigns and we were off. I let my gaze linger on his back for moment while I could still see him and frowned.

What a strange man.

...

As the day wore on and the formation continued to spread out, there were hardly any titans spotted. I flipped the hood of my cloak over my face in hopes to block it from the sun. Sweat dripped down the back of my neck but a flare was spotted in the distance and no one seemed to react to it.

"Titans spotted in the east. Keep moving." Strauss shouted. I glanced around at the other people in my squad, there were three other guys here. They all looked like they knew what they were doing, meaning none of them looked scared shitless and I was blessed with a feeling of security. Even for being a pretty calm person, this expedition had my nerves absolutely fried. A million possible things that could go wrong bounced around in my head no matter how much I tried to not think about it.

I shook my head to clear my thoughts when I heard a flare go off this time. Strauss held his flare gun in the air as we veered away from a titan that was crawling around like a spider made its way toward us. "Just keep moving forward." he commanded, but I could feel the shivers going up and down my back that gave me a horrible feeling about this. The thundering movements of the titan grew louder and I could actually hear its labored grunting as it tried to catch up with us. I willed my breath to remain steady as I whipped my reigns for my horse to go faster, but I knew the poor thing was already at its limit. I sent a worried glance toward Petra but she had her eyes locked dead ahead as if she trusted Strauss completely. Hell, she probably did knowing her! Damn girl was always so devoted, but then again, up until a moment ago so was I.

I could feel the titan's hot, putrid breath cascade over me in thick waves and I fucking panicked. I veered my horse away from the group and out of the way from the titan's mouth only to figure out that it was going for the group as a whole. I noticed that it redirected itself towards one of the cadets my muscles tensed hard.

"Everybody split up!" I screamed, waving my sword in the air. "It's going after the group! Split up!"

The other members of the team looked at me like I was utterly insane and looked back up to Strauss for his opinion. However, there wasn't one. The man continued to push on forward as the beast continued to creep closer minute by minute. The overstretched smile on its face would give me nightmares for weeks and I slowed my horse down enough so that I was side by side with the titan. My mouth quickly ran dry as I considered what I was about to do. It was risky for sure, I'd never stood up on a goddamn horse before, let alone while it was moving. But if I let it be, the team was fucked and if I stayed with them then I was fucked too. But my decision making was cut short when the beast's dull eyes slid over to me and took a swipe. I let go of the reigns and used some of my gas to propel myself into the air, watching my horse get knocked off its hooves. I turned my attention away from the poor animal for now as I quickly sunk my wires into the damned thing's shoulders. My hands felt slippery against the clutch, _damn_ I was scared. When I landed on the skin I could feel the heat through my boots. I felt like I was suffocating.

Hastily I ran up to the nape of the neck and did my best to slice out a chunk of flesh despite my nerves but it wasn't quite deep enough. Steam billowed into my face as the small chunk of muscle fell away and the beast started to get angry. It charged ahead even faster and even started to buck. I pulled my cloak over my nose and mouth to try and protect myself from getting burned and readied my blades for a second time. I growled as I hacked away, was the skin usually this thick?!

But soon enough, the abnormal titan skidded to the ground in a giant, steaming heat and I rode it all the way until it grew still against the ground. I panted as I swiftly hopped off and looked around for my horse. My squad had kept going of course, but maybe they'd break formation just to come back around and look for me. Maybe.

I walked over to a small group of isolated trees and low out a loud whistle for that damned horse to come trotting back to but alas, everything remained still except for the still steaming titan a couple meters away. I waited for a little while longer in case they decided to circle back around and reached for my flair gun. Putting a finger in my ear, I raised my arm up and fired a purple emergency flair into the air. I was stranded on a basically flat plain with nothing but titans to hook onto if they happened to stroll by...

The time seemed to pass incredibly slowly as I waited for someone or _something_ to spot me. The sun was starting to go down and part of me told me I should at least _try_ to make it back on foot. Idiotic for sure, but at this point I was damned if I didn't and damned if I did. All throughout my training one phrase remained constant the entire time, "a grounded soldier is a dead soldier."

The others might as well label me KIA at this point.

I looked around one more time while I chewed on my lip and started my journey home.

...

The sun was setting now and two flares later no one had come. Luckily I hadn't ran into anymore titans since earlier that afternoon but I knew as soon as I went to bed that it'd be a huge gamble if I'd make it until the morning. I was basically fresh meat laying on the ground waiting for some beast to come snack on my bones. But I sat down anyways and rested my head on my knees. At that moment I truly felt helpless. My hands continued to shake from my frayed nerves along with my emotions and I silently pleaded to them to stop. I didn't need a breakdown right now, I needed a plan and a level head.

I gazed out onto the sun that was low in the horizon and tugged my hood closer to my face, cursing as my eyes filled with warmth and furiously wiping it all away. "Oh God, Eli get it together!" I scolded myself. I should've trusted Strauss like Petra did, it was a foolish mistake not to. He was in charge for a reason, not me. I was still wet behind the ears when it came to being a member of the Scout Regiment, a real baby. _Why_ did I feel the need to go rogue and deal with that titan myself?! Was it a pride issue? Something to do with my worth? I truly was an idiot.

But then I heard something far off. I shrunk back into the foliage that I was sitting by and hid myself as well as I could. My mind didn't want to believe that it was the sound of hooves but instead just another abnormal running amuck in the green fields.

 _"Cadet Jackson!"_ a voice shouted. I peered out a little further from my hiding spot and gasped. The first thing I saw was a torch bobbing along in the distance. It wasn't exactly dark out yet, but it seemed like these people were prepared to be out wandering around in the dark looking for someone.

And that someone was me.

I stood up fully and reached for my flair gun one last time. Raising it up high, I fired a yellow flare to signal the termination of their mission.

 _"Eli!"_ a girl shouted and goddamn, I've never been so happy to hear Petra's voice in all my life. Her red hair soon came bouncing into view as she and a few others came on galloping horses. In fact, when they did reach me, they hardly even stopped.

"Get on," the captain of this small group ordered and I immediately climbed onto the back of their horse and sat behind them. It was the woman that had been standing with Levi on my first day; her ponytail tickled my face as we rode. "What happened to your horse?" she asked.

"Either it was killed or it got spooked and never came back." I answer honestly and she hummed in acknowledgment. "Thank you for coming back for me..." I say and the woman turns her head just enough so that I could see the glint of her glasses in the torch light and a creepy smile on her face.

"It was no problem, however..."

I gulped.

"I'm a little excited too see what Levi does with you when we get back. Maybe when he's done I can use you for my titan experiments!" she giggled and I could feel all the blood drain from my face as I eyed Petra in slight fear. I've heard about the man's reputation from other cadets, but its been all talk up until now. Now it was time for possible action, a.k.a., getting the shit kicked out of me. Boy, was I excited.

But all in all, I was relieved to put most of my nerves to rest. Hopefully Petra wouldn't get too jealous from The Captain putting his hands on me...but then again why did he even care?

"So whose idea was it to come rescue my sorry ass?" I asked and Petra raised her hand guiltily.

"Miss Petra was frantic when her team reached the camp. Panicking and on the verge of tears, begging and pleading for someone to help her look for you. I just volunteered, it was a good excuse to observe some late night titan activity." the woman mused with a finger to her chin. "We were all so sure you were dead though from the story we've heard."

"What story is that?" I asked and Petra looked at me with fierce eyes.

"How you slayed an abnormal titan and rode it to the ground. If you hadn't, it would've taken out most, if not the whole squad. Even Strauss admitted it was quite heroic, but Captain Levi called you an idiot and some other colorful names...and then he was mad because Captain Hange came out and we were putting people at risk for no good rea-"

"Okay okay I got the point Petra, thank you."

The woman- Hange, laughed and sighed a little. "Be that as it may, a rookie doing that on their first mission outside of the walls isn't exactly common. Most just freeze up and get themselves killed. Now just wait till I can tell Levi how you survived while grounded for half a day in titan territory. He'll pop a blood vessel." she said and both of us just couldn't help but laugh.

The ride back to camp was short after that and I couldn't help it when my hands became clammy as soon as we saw the campfire. Hange let me off when she steered her horse over to the makeshift stable and I wobbled on my legs a little, but in a second they turned from jelly to lead.

"You're pretty fucking stupid, even for an idiot. Do you realize that?" he drawled in a bored tone but once I turned around and looked into those grey eyes I _knew._

He was pissed and I was absolutely fucked.


	4. Dog Days

_"Stay still."_

I struggled to keep my balance as my legs swayed to and fro. My hair had inadvertently created a curtain around my head so none of the spectating soldiers could see the embarrassment on my face. My cheeks were glowing a bright red by now, I could feel the heat with every pulse and it wasn't because I was embarrassed, it was from all the blood rushing to my head. Captain Levi ordered Petra and I to do handstands until our arms gave out. She was doing perfectly fine, but as for me, I was starting to fail miserably.

"As a member of the Scouts it is your upmost priority to trust your captain, no matter what squad they're in or their seniority. It was obvious today that you don't have that trust, Cadet. I told you to stay still." Captain Levi said as he stood in front of us, I could feel his steely eyes boring into my skull. "You damn near wasted yourself by playing hero and dragged the lives of other soldiers into your mess."

My arms started to shake as my weight got the better of me, but The Captain finished the job by pushing me over with his boot. I landed with a huff in the dirt and internally scolded myself for bringing this on myself. I should've been like Perta and pushed onwards despite the danger behind us, but I didn't. Maybe The Captain was right, maybe I was trying to play hero.

Like that got me anywhere.

Being treated like crap and punished for my mistakes took me back to the early days of Cadet Corps. I was new then, but I quickly learned the ropes and stayed out of trouble. I was excellent in training, but that was merely substandard here...I needed to be fucking fantastic with a humble outlook on things to just fit in, let alone survive. Petra was still going strong when I managed to look over at her and I couldn't help but let the guilt wash over me. She shouldn't be doing this, the girl was too damn good for this shit. Dammit when did I get feelings?!

Shakily, I got up on my feet and saluted The Captain. "My apologies, sir. It won't be happening again." I couldn't even meet his damn gaze, not even trying to believe how goddamn arrogant I've been the past few weeks. This was a fucking _great_ wake up call if I've ever had one before.

Captain Levi just stared me down, the bonfire behind him made the man look ominous as fuck. "That's good, because no one will be coming to save your sorry ass next time." he said and with one last glare, he headed back to his own tent. After he was out of sight, Petra was back on her feet and fixing her rather wild hair and giving me sympathetic looks but before I could even get out my first apology, Strauss was demanding our attention.

"The other captains and I have discussed the punishment and you cadets will be placed on lookout for the rest of the night. No breaks, Cadets. Get moving." he said, his eyes not seeming as hard as his voice did. Neither of us questioned it though, we merely saluted.

"Yes sir!" we shouted and immediately went to gather our ODM gear by the nearby trees. Neither of us really said anything when we reached the edge of the tree line and sat down. I just felt so bad about everything, so I kept my gaze fixated on the full moon above us. Hopefully no titans would decide to give us a show tonight, I'd probably bury myself right at The Captain's feet if they did. Getting fucked up because I decided to face a titan on my own and then having to face a titan with the same girl who had to save me from being killed from my own stupidity would kill my insides. Petra looked so fucking scared when that abnormal was on our tails, but she still put her full trust into Strauss. She was willing to place her life into that man's hands because he had the intelligence and the skills to deal with situations like that...and it made absolute sense to me now. I just shook my head at myself.

"Don't be to hard on yourself, Eli." Petra soothed as she looked at the moon as well. "You did what you thought was right...you disobeyed orders, but you still potentially saved the team." she said, trying to make me feel better. I just frowned and picked at the bark by my boots.

"I was a damn fool, Petra. Damn near got myself killed...Captain Levi was right about me playing hero, I think."

Petra shrugged. "Probably, if that's what your intent was at the time. I think you were scared to be honest. You did what you were trained to do...but it wasn't the right _thing_ to do, y'know? It was one mistake, Eli. Now you know better."

"That's true." I mused, scanning my eyes over the little hills here and there, praying to God that I didn't see anything wandering about. We were quiet again after that, both of us either focusing on the ground or the moon that was slowly moving across the black sky. The night was long, and there was only two or three titans spotted, but they were staggering in another direction away from the forest. I swallowed down a lump of anxiety in my throat as I watched one crawl across the ground slowly. "Where do you think they come from?"

Petra stretched and yawned. "Who? Titans? No one really knows for sure. They don't have reproductive organs, or really any organs at all besides a half functioning stomach or so I've heard."

"What do you mean half functioning?" I asked, my eyebrows knitting themselves together.

"I've heard from some of the soldiers that've been here a while that once a titan has its fill of people...it'll throw them back up into a giant ball of remains. Someone called it 'titan gore' or something like that. It's absolutely putrid."

"That's insane..." I whispered, my mind delving deeper into confusion and curiosity as the titan that was crawling around on the ground not too far off had wandered under a small grove and stopped moving all together. "Hey, look at that."

"What?" Petra asked, leaning forward a little.

"That titan over there...it stopped moving, it's literally laying on the ground doing nothing. That's odd." I said, really wishing I had a notepad with me right then. Petra, however, didn't share my sense of curiosity and leaned back against the trunk of the tree. "Don't you think so?"

She shrugged. "It's probably an abnormal."

I didn't say anything as I looked at it some more. It looked like it had stopped under the trees for a nice nap, if it was sunny outside it would've probably provided some decent shade...but now that I looked harder, the trees were _still_ casting shade but instead of the cause being sunlight, it was moonlight that did it. Gears turned and cranked in my head as I thought. Maybe I'd ask Captain Hange about it and see what she thought, I know she's interested in titans like this.

I continued to watch the damned thing all the way until the sun started to rise. I could see it better now, just a 7-meter but it was starting to stir now. Light from the morning sun filtered through the leaves and danced on the monster's face and it was up like a shot, skittering away like an insect that was about to get squished. I hummed a little to myself as I watched it fade away into the distance. It was puzzling that titans reacted to light. Perhaps it fueled them like how food fueled humans.

We were soon released from our positions and reported back to our captain who was waiting patiently for us on the ground below.

"Any sightings last night?"

Petra saluted. "Only a few, sir. Maybe three or four."

"Headed in our direction?"

I shook my head and saluted as well. "No, sir."

Strauss nodded. "Excellent. We're almost done packing up camp. Get your horses ready. Jackson, we have an extra horse waiting for you over there."

"Thank you, sir."

Strauss nodded. "Let's get ready to move out. And remember, absolutely _no_ engaging titians this time. If you get separated from the group this time Jackson, we will _not_ be coming back. End of discussion."

My fist tightened against my chest as I nodded in understanding before Strauss turned on his heel and marched away. My first fuck up was going to be my last apparently. There was no more room for error under my belts and I was gonna make damn sure that nothing else happened and perhaps I might just gain back the trust of my captains as I prepared to put my full trust in them. I vowed right then and there not to let my emotions nor my instincts get in the way of my duties.

...

The way back to base was tense and quiet, but I did my best to keep my eyes forward and will my fists to relax against the reigns. Petra stole places at me every now and then to make sure I wasn't about to go rogue, not that I blamed her. I'm pretty sure the whole team was doing the same thing.

My mind kept wandering back to Captain Levi though, how whenever we were in close proximity to one another, his grey eyes would bore into me. It made my insides squirm terribly. It was like he was trying to find some sort of weakness inside of me with a single glare. I'm sure Petra had noticed his burning gazes at least once or twice during training or when we were leaving for missions, but it felt different inside the compound. I pictured his eyes on me once more and I shivered, hating the way they secretly enraptured me. Petra would be absolutely livid if she knew, so I've been keeping my mouth shut. I knew she felt very strongly towards The Captain and it'd be a dick move to give her competition.

Wait. Did I just say competition?!

I scoffed a little, the only competition there was, was probably a prickly plant he kept in his office to shove up his ass! He probably stared at that damned hypothetical plant harder than he's stared at Petra and I combined. But my thoughts simmered down enough to make me sigh a little, I felt like if I let my emotions get the best of me off the field, they were about to get me into a very messy situation. I just...admired him. Secretly, of course. The amount of stoicism and control he had was astounding. But then again, this was The Captain I was thinking about here. Even _if_ I did admit that I had little feelings, I also had to accept the fact that it would never happen.

I was stubborn, and crude, and I constantly switched between overthinking and not thinking at all. A girl with too many enemies and a bad past and that's only been kissed once in her life by a boy that left her for the Military Police. God, this was getting pathetic. Maybe a shower and a cup of coffee would help me get my act together.

...

I sat at one of the tables by myself as I gazed into my steaming cup of coffee. Mostly everybody else had retired back to their rooms for the night and that was perfectly fine by me. All I wanted was some peace and quiet.

"Isn't it a little past your bedtime?"

Well, so much for that idea.

My eyes closed as I heard the deep voice of The Captain speak. Why was he even here? Shouldn't he be working on reports or something else equally tedious? I ran a hand through my damp hair and wrung out the ends a little bit to keep it from getting my shirt wet. I didn't want the back of my shirt soaked by the time I finally went to bed.

"Are the new recruits under curfew, sir?" I asked, biting my tongue at the end of the remark. I heard the man click his tongue and small clinking sounds as he retrieved a cup of his own. He stood in front of me for a moment, once again staring me down with those damn eyes of his. I couldn't stop myself as I squirmed in my seat a little, my own eyes glued to my thighs under the table.

"Hm...carry on, Cadet."

I waited until I heard the doors to the mess hall click shut before breathing a sigh of relief and putting my hands over my eyes in frustration. I really needed to learn to hold my tongue everywhere, not just on the field. He was my superior, not a damn cadet like myself. I took a blew the steam away from my cup and drank it dry until my stomach was full and I felt better.

Now it was time to go visit Captain Hange.

* * *

Author's note: Thank you for reading! Take a moment to favorite, follow, review if you enjoyed it. Tell me what you think!

Much love,

CaptainEli


	5. Twisted

As it turned out, I didn't have to worry about waking Captain Hange up at such a late hour because I had found her wandering the halls with an impressive stack of paperwork tucked under her arm and as soon as the word 'titan' left my mouth, I was immediately dragged into her office and offered a drink. I sat in one of the chairs in front of her desk looking a little dazed, but I quickly came back to reality when she started asking questions.

"What kind of titan was it? Normal? Abnormal? What did it look like?!"

I blinked a couple times and sat up a little in my seat. "Well...um, I really didn't get a good look at it from the trees but I think it was an abnormal. It reminded me of a bug."

Captain Hange reached out and grabbed one of the many notebooks on her desk and started to write furiously. "Hands and knees or hands and feet?"

"Hands and feet." I confirmed and the woman nodded as she scribbled down more notes. "I saw it making its way across the plains and it was already moving pretty slowly but then it hit this patch of trees and it just dropped."

Hange adjusted her glasses as she looked at me, her excitement melting into intrigue. "What do you mean?"

I leaned forward in my seat a little as I explained. "Well it took me a while to figure it out, but when it dropped, it dropped in the middle of some really dark shade. Like the moon was so bright it caused the foliage to cast shadows." I said and Hange hummed, her writing never ceasing.

"That is peculiar..." she agreed, running a hand over her chin and going silent as her glasses flashed. Hange sat there twirling her pencil in between her fingers as she thought, but I managed to snap her out of her thoughts with a simple cough.

"Is it even more peculiar if it stayed there for the entirety of the night? It was up in a flash as soon as the sun started to rise." I offered and Hange jumped up from her desk immediately.

"I think I've studied this before. I think, I think, _I think..._ "

I simply stared at the woman as she shuffled through her notebooks swiftly, even knocking some onto the floor in her haste. "Ah!" she said, holding a rather old looking one up. "I was right! I got ahold of your idea a few years ago; we were all out on an overnight mission and I went to check up on the rookies that were keeping watch. I remember seeing this one 15-meter just leaning against a tree looking like it was about to fall asleep! They wouldn't let me go investigate up close, of course, but I just couldn't let it go!" she spoke excitedly as she flipped through the pages, recalling the memory vividly. "But this one was normal and it was a cloudy night, but the theory remains constant as the one I studied rose along with the sun."

"...So what does this mean?" I asked.

Hange rubbed her chin again. "It means that titans must rely on light to give them their energy. It's strange...but very possible. I would need to do tests to be sure..."

"Can I help?" I asked, suddenly standing up with my fists clutched to my chest and I'd be damned if Captain Hange didn't stand up with me and outshine my excitement with her own.

"Yes!" she yelled, throwing her hands in the air. Suddenly there was a pounding from someone upstairs obviously telling us to quiet the fuck down and Hange just laughed like a mad woman. Oh, yes. This was going to be fun.

...

I groaned when I woke up early the next morning, or well, Petra was the one who woke me up. She stumbled around in the early morning light with bleary eyes as she tried to pull her pants up. "Perta, damn just sit down and do it so you don't knock anything over." I yawned as I sat up, cracking my back from sleeping in my uncomfortable little cot. The redhead fell down onto her bed and kicked her legs in the air as she pulled her pants up to her butt and gave a great yawn. I eventually stood up myself and stripped out of my sleeping clothes to slip on my black shirt with the high collar and the mandatory white pants. Putting on the belts were always tedious, like today they weren't fucking laying flat. No matter how I put them on, one of them was always fucking twisted.

"Ah, fuck it." I mumbled as I pulled at one of the straps on my thigh and pulled a drowsy Petra off of her bed. "Why're you so out of it?" I asked.

The girl yawned as she let me drag her along. "I was up late writing some letters to my dad."

"All night?" I asked with a quirked eyebrow, the girl just shrugged.

"I guess I had a lot to say."

We wandered into the mess hall eventually and I sat Petra down to go get both of us a cup of coffee. I couldn't help but pick at the stupid belt that was twisted on my thigh as I waited in line and it was actually starting to piss me off. When I got back to the table I all but slammed the cups down, causing Petra to bolt upright in her seat. "I'm awake!"

I put one foot on the bench as I undid the strap on my thigh and tried to fix it, but it'd twist itself someplace else whenever I straightened a previous one. I nearly screamed in frustration when I heard that stupid click of someone's tongue. A few of the people sitting by us snickered and I did my best to ignore the bastards. I started to regret staying up all night with Captain Hange, putting on my belts was not my forte when I was running on a lack of sleep. It happened a few times back when I was in the Cadet Corps and I got _so_ much flack for that.

"You're gonna have to take it all off and start over." The Captain said as he walked by and a few of the newer soldiers let out a long whistle.

 _"Yeah, Jackson take it off!"_

A low growl ripped through my throat as I picked up my coffee and slowly walked over to the group of boys. Petra gripped her table nervously like she _knew_ that I was gonna break the goddamn cup over one of their heads. Instead I sat next to the one who started it all and pushed the steaming mug over to him. "I thought about breaking this over your soft little head, but then I thought that maybe if you drank it that you'd get a better personality."

"Ah, don't get your belts in a twist." a boy with blonde hair said with a wave of his hand and the table erupted in snickers. I stood up from the table and shrugged my jacket off and tossed it to Petra before I started undoing the strap across my chest.

"If you insist, but I assure that once I get the first one off, I'll be whipping you with it." I said, I could see a few of them swallow nervously as my hands brushed against my breasts and a small _snap_ could be heard as I undid the extra belt. I turned it over in my hands before giving it a firm snap, one of the boys actually jumped in his seat!

 _"Jackson."_ a deep voice warned and I could see Captain Levi walking back towards me out of my peripheral. "Stand down Cadet, I think you've scared them enough. I don't need piss all over the floors."

I nodded and looked over at Petra, she was still gripping the table like it was her lifeline but her face was positively red. I looked back towards Captain Levi and saluted. "My apologies, sir. May I be dismissed?"

The Captain looked me up and down for a second, his blank expression never wavering. Eventually he nodded and I immediately turned and stalked towards the doors, but not before snatching my coffee up from in between the terrified soldiers. I needed it if I was ever going to get these straps on right.

I began fiddling with the straps as I walked back to my room and shrugged the thick ones off of my back once I got to the door. My mind flashed back to the way The Captain's eyes raked themselves over me and how _red_ Petra's face was. Had she been anxious about the situation in general or was she mad for how he had looked at me. I shook my head to get those absurd thought out, he was looking at me like how he looked at all the other cadets. With contempt.

A little while later I could be found sitting on my small cot trying to straighten out the many straps and belts. My coffee was long gone and the now cold cup was sitting on the windowsill, abandoned. I fiddled with the straps on my feet, carefully straightening them out before moving up to my calfs and slipping on my boots to keep them in place. I bent over to make sure the ones on my thighs were smoothed down and hummed in content when I felt no twists.

"Still working, I see."

I stood up straight in a flash and sighed when the straps on my thighs fell back around my boots. "Still sneaking up on me I see, sir." I said as I bent back over to pick them up and start over. The Captain scoffed when I started doing the belts on my thighs.

"You're doing them too tight. You'll restrict your movements if you keep them like that." he said, leaning against the doorframe casually.

"It's how I've always worn them."

"Maybe that's why your movements are so sloppy." he quipped and I turned around in a huff. The Captain barely cocked an eyebrow to my sudden movement as he crossed his arms against his chest.

"Well maybe since I can't do it right then you should do it for me." I suggested, crossing my arms as well and I squeaked in surprise when that cocky bastard came striding up to me like he owned the place. He stood gazing down at me with ominous shadows over his eyes, making the scleras look incredibly white. Goddamn me for being one of the only people in the compound that was actually shorter than this man.

"Do not tempt me with putting my hands on you because I can promise that you will not enjoy it." his voice was dark and threatening but I couldn't help but squirm in my spot, my hands tightening on the strap of leather I was hanging onto. His eyes flickered down and I _swear_ if he was a normal person then he would've chuckled, but he didn't. Instead, The Captain narrowed his eyes as he studied me. "But perhaps..." he mused, taking the strap from my clammy little hands and held it up between us. "You'd be the type of person who would."

"S-Sir?" I asked, swallowing my anxiety and not even trying to muster the courage to meet his intense gaze.

"You're squirming, Cadet. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm guessing it's not from fear, is it?" his deep voice had dropped down to almost a whisper and oh fuck me did I just whine? I'm killing myself first thing tomorrow morning...but maybe if I was lucky enough, Petra would walk in and she'd kill me herself.

"...That's what I thought." he said, handing the strap in his hand back to me and turning away. "Get yourself together, you've got training in a couple minutes.." he said, once again standing in the doorway.

I quivered a little bit in my spot. "Y-Yessir."

"Oh, and Jackson?" he said, pausing with his hand on the doorknob. "It'd be in your best interest if you didn't show up late." he said and with that, he was gone. I leaned against the wall and tried to get myself together for the sake of all that was holy. That man was an absolute menace! He had me frozen in my spot like a damned statue and even managed to get vile noises out of me with just a look. My eyebrows furrowed as I looked down at the strap of leather in my hand and I began to think. What the hell was that about? Was he just humoring me or...no. I shook the idiotic thoughts out of my head and quickly finished doing my straps without a twist to be found.

I definitely didn't want to be late today.


	6. Panic

We were going on another expedition today and it was safe to say that everyone was a little on edge. Well, everyone except the captains and myself. I was actually kind of excited, not that I showed it of course. I was cursed with what Anna used to call "permanent bitch face", ever since his parents graciously took me in and saved me from my own, I've looked like an angry, sleep deprived little troll.

Then my thoughts started to drift off to Anna. I wonder how the MP life was treating him...did they turn him into an arrogant ass yet? No, Anna was better than that. He had some damn good morals. I was brought out of my thoughts by a certain brown-haired captain that was making something akin to pleasured moans as we headed out of the gate. I looked over at my superior to notice a small stream of drool rolling down her chin. "Captain Hange?" I asked, steering my horse away a little as she tipped her head back and giggled.

"I'm sorry Eli, I'm just so excited!" she squealed, clutching the reigns up to her face with a giant smile. I sent a small smile her way, not judging her in the slightest. We were going out on an expedition today solely to capture a titan or two for research. Of course we couldn't take them into the walls without causing mass panic, so it'd have to be out in the field for now until times have changed. But in light of other news, I was moved onto Hange's squad. I think Strauss was happy to be rid of me after the last stunt I pulled and I was glad to be of more use with her anyways. Over the past few months of trying to get her titan project approved through Commander Erwin, I've pretty much been her right hand man. Petra claims I'm turning into a mini Hange but I don't care. The woman may have been a tad bit loopy but she was a true genius when it came to this sort of stuff. Besides, whenever Petra would tease me, I'd just bring up her giant crush on The Captain and her cheeks would burn for _hours_. And speaking of him, ever since our encounter inside of my room he's seemingly been enjoying making me squirm. The hard stares that made me grip the tops of my thighs like my lifelines, standing all too close but never touching me whenever he caught me alone...it was madness. That man was literally driving me mad.

I tried not to think too much about it when we left the security of the walls and kicked the horses into full gear. Bringing up the rear in Hange's group, I tried to focus on her messy ponytail that was swinging wildly instead of a certain man who was getting the best of me without even really trying.

The formation slowly started to spread out after a while and soon all the other squads were out of view. We must've been riding for a few hours before the first fare rose high into the sky. The formation automatically adjusted once a green flare was shot, but it was hard to keep track of the flares when it started to rain. They seemed to just dissipate in the air after a matter of seconds and the longer we rode, the more intense it got. The sky had been cloudy most of the week so there was a chance that it'd break open today, but no one anticipated that it'd be this intense. Hange encouraged us to keep moving forth as she pulled her hood further over her face. An ominous feeling crawled up my back and seemed to hook itself onto my shoulders as I hunched them. At this point we were running blind, not even being able to hear the damn flares over the pounding of the rain on our cloaks and the hooves of the horses splashing in the muddy ground. The squad continued on like this for a while, I would most likely guess an hour before the horses started to slow on their own. They needed a break and so did we.

Hange steered the group to a small thicket of trees and let the horses feed on the wet grass. A makeshift tarp was hastily tied up over us to block the rainfall as the five of us tried to dry off a little. "Well this is fun." Hange said as she put her hands on her hips and looked out to the scenery. I looked with her but all I saw was a grey haze.

And then a figure.

And then all the soldiers' ears perked up when a long groan echoed throughout the area.

"Mount up. We've got company." Hange said with a wave of her arm and we all raced off to grab our horses. The rain had managed to let up a bit and the sky brightened when we all found our horsed and set off away from the incoming titan. It didn't really seem to care though, it just kept trudging along through the mud. The group took a sigh of relief in unison when we assumed to be in the clear.

But things really aren't that simple, are they?

...

It was quiet. I could barely hear the heavy breathing of whatever was near me and the rain was a cool drizzle now. It felt nice on my hot face but I couldn't find the strength to sigh in content.

I felt frozen.

My hips hurt like hell; I couldn't move at all. Perhaps they were broken. My head felt like it weighed a million pounds as my vision teetered and tottered making everything turn into a blur. Where was Hange? Where was the rest of the squad? Were they okay? Or was I the only wounded soldier? Everything felt warm and fuzzy as I closed my eyes and laid in the grass. I wasn't sure how long I'd been laying there to be honest, it felt like an eternity.

There was a sickening _snap_ nearby and I lifted up my head a little to see what was going on. A titan stood crouched nearby, it was fairly big, maybe 15 meters. The beast had an unnerving smile across it's face as it snacked on one of the other soldiers in the squad. My hips felt like they were on fire as I tried to sit back on my knees and I groaned in pain. A few cracks and pops later I was balanced on my hands and knees. I grabbed one of my swords and stabbed it into the ground for some support and I tried to stand myself up but instead all I wanted to do was retch. I throbbed all over, but eventually I stood.

I turned and looked over at the titan with tired eyes and took a shuttering breath as I saw it swallow the rest of the unknown soldier whole, the last thing I saw were their boots sliding down the titan's gullet. There were sounds of a fight a little ways away as Hange and another member of her squad tried like hell to slice away the flock that had quickly overtook us. Another audible snap shook me as I shifted my weight but the pain was quick to dull this time around as the titan that had finished off a fellow comrade turned its dazed expression on me. I leaned on my sword for support and stumbled backwards a little as it lumbered towards me, looking all too happy with itself.

These expeditions were starting to get to me, mentally and physically. No wonder the Scout Regiment was in such short supply of soldiers, it was so obvious now. I gripped the sword as hard as I could and plucked it up from the dirt; I was prepared to fight to my last breath, injured or not. I didn't come this far just to be wiped out by some mindless beast with the munchies. Too much has already been overcome to end it all now.

The titan's hand hovered near me as I clutched both of my weapons in each hand but before it could capture me in its grasp, I swung and sloppily lobbed a couple of the beast's fingers off. Steam billowed into the space between us and I gasped in horror as the titan's massive face blasted through the steam and chomped at me. It must've been inches away and I couldn't help but jump back and bite down on my tongue to stifle the pained noises from escaping me. I shot my wires into the damned thing's head and used my gas to propel myself up and over onto its back. The titan stood up swiftly and attempted to swipe at itself, but it's awkward body stopped it from reaching me. But in a matter of seconds it was all over, I twisted myself around to hack at the back of its neck and tried not to burn myself with the intense steam that was blasted at me. I released myself back onto the ground and watched it fall, my mind racing a million miles an hour as it all happened in just a few minutes.

My head still felt heavy and my hips ached but strangely I felt insanely better than I had just moments before. Steam oozed up from my legs from the titan blood but I didn't bother trying to clear it away. It was pointless now with some of the titans from the flock still remaining. So without another thought, I raced over to the remaining members of my squad and assisted them to the best of my ability. The rest of the titans were small ones, 7 meters or so. The bigger ones lay in giant heaps of steaming muscle and bones, their existence fading away ever so quietly.

We continued to fight until our blades were worn and the unexpected group of titans were gone. Hange, the other soldier named Claude, and myself stood together silently as if another titan would appear if a word was spoken. I ditched the set of useless blades on the ground and hooked onto the new ones for the next encounter because God help us if we didn't anticipate another attack.

Hange stood solemnly as she looked over the blood and gore that covered the area and bowed her head a little, not in shame but most likely in prayer for our fallen comrades who had fought valiantly, even until the very end. I couldn't help but lower to my knees as I saluted them for the moment. Claude just looked lost in all honesty.

"Alright," Hange sighed after a while. "Let's get moving. Call your horses."

I let out a long whistle from my spot on the ground and Hange's brows furrowed. "You alright there, Eli?" she asked and I took a breath after I stopped whistling, resting my hands on my hips as I looked up at her.

"A little roughed up, but I think I'm okay now." I say as Claude helps me up, my hips popping once more and the poor boy shuddered at the sound.

"I'll take a look at you when we get back to camp." Hange said as our horses come trotting into view from a distance. "You think you're good to ride?" she asked and I nodded. My horse skidded to a stop and nuzzled me a little before Claude graciously helped me on. My hips ached like a motherfucker but I was relieved to know that they weren't broken like I thought they were. Maybe all that snapping was them just popping back into place, but regardless we rode on.

It was still a long way to catch up with the rest of the regiment but we were making good time. I thought back to Petra and wondered if she had made it in alright and just how many laps Captain Levi would make me do once we arrived. The man had it out for me, it didn't matter if the hold up was my fault or not, he would find a way to make me sweat. He always did.

...

We neared camp a little while later when all the other soldiers had already set up tents and tied up the horses for the night. I was surprised when I saw The Commander and his little friend standing by, most likely waiting for us to return. "Glad to see they have faith in us." Claude sighed as we neared the camp. I turned to him with a dull expression and slowed my horse down a little.

"It's dangerous to send out reinforcements this late, trust me. All that's asking for is more deaths, they were timing us."

Hange hummed. "That's absolutely correct, but I'd like to believe that Commander Erwin had faith."

Claude and I steered our horses to leave them by the other ones and Claude was quick to help me off my horse like a child. I slung one of my arms around his neck and he hesitantly put one of his around my waist. When I settled my weight on my feet, something popped again and I could tell the boy was fighting a gag.

"Just take her to my tent, I'll be there soon." Hange called as we walked by and out of the corner of our eyes, Captain Levi's met mine. I was the first to look away however, more than a little ashamed of how weak I was at the moment. We walked through the small community of tents until we reaches Hange's but before we could enter, Petra was right behind us.

"Eli! Are you okay?" she asked once she noticed Claude supporting half my weight. She was quick to take my other side as we made our way into the tent. There was a small cot in the corner but I opted not to lay on Hange's bed, so I lowered myself onto the hard ground. The two on either side of me started to protest as I lowered myself onto my knees but I just held up a hand for them to stop. It felt like my hips kept popping in and out of place with every hard movement. The ride over kept them in place with my hips stationary on the saddle, but now there was nothing to keep them still. Petra sighed as she gathered a rag and poured some water from her canteen on it as she wiped off the dried blood from my forehead. "What happened out there?" she asked, looking to the boy who was sitting quietly in the corner.

Claude's head snapped up and his big brown eyes seemed so fucking tired. "A group of titans took us by surprise...it was hard to see the signal flares in the rain." he said, looking away from the worried little redhead. "It all happened so fast...I thought Jackson was dead until I saw her standing in the face of a titan, leaning on her sword like a cane." he chuckled and Petra looked appalled.

"How can you be so casual like that! The battlefield isn't the place for jokes!" Petra scolded, fire dancing wildly in her eyes. I grabbed one of her hands and held it tight as I shifted my weight, she winced a little under the pressure of my grip.

"It wasn't a joke, Petra. I could barely stand." I sighed. Her suddenly sad eyes cast their gaze downwards and her impending apology was cut off by the flap of the tent opening. Hange walked in with a small smile. I tried to return the kind gesture but I gulped down my anxiety instead as she cracked her knuckles and started towards me. Petra was quick to get out of her way as the woman undid my straps at my sides. She poked and prodded, but for not being an actual medic, she was pretty damned good.

"Damn..." Hange sighed as she wiped her forehead. "We're gonna need some actual professionals for this. Rall, Claude, go get a medic if you can." she said started undoing the straps on my thighs to leave a clear path for whoever to prod at my hips. The two cadets nodded and headed out immediately. I panted a little as she ceased touching me and I wiped my hands down my face.

The flap of the tent opened again and Hange made a small noise of surprise. "Captain," she greeted as she moved away and gathered some cloth in her hands. I groaned internally as the man entered the tent. Why was he always near me?! It drove me insane but the pain had a funny little thing about making me keep my mouth shut.

"Commander Ewrin needs some more details about what happened in the field." he said, sounding as bored as ever and Hange just nodded.

"I'll be right back, alright?" she said and I just nodded as she passed me by, leaving The Captain and I to ourselves. The silence was thick as he stood there, staring at me with that cold gaze of his.

"I'll take it that this wasn't your fault this time."

"Yessir." I said, pushing the sweaty hair back from my forehead. He hummed and grabbed a cloth from a pile that Hange had made nearby and shook it out a little.

"But you still fucked yourself up, of course."

I gritted my teeth. "...Yessir."

Captain Levi clicked his tongue as he folded the cloth up in his hands before squatting down before me. His face was neutral as always but something in his eyes made him look smug as fuck. "I can't punish you like last time...but I suppose I'll just have to find another way to make you squirm." he mused as he narrowed his eyes just a tad.

My heart stuttered inside my chest and I took a ragged breath as I felt a sudden surge of confidence wash over me. "Pop my hips back into place and I can promise you that I'll scream." I said and I could see his hand tighten around the cloth.

"As much as I'd like that, I'll leave it up to the professionals. But perhaps I'll be able to hear it another time, Cadet." he said as he placed the cloth on my chest. "And you'll want to put this in your mouth. No one else will want to hear your wails."

I grabbed the cloth off of me and gripped it in my fist. "And you do?"

He clicked his tongue again and and took the cloth from me and promptly shoved it in my mouth before standing up.

"Damn brat."


	7. Relocated

Levi continued to watch the show from the far corner of the tent as a medic poked and prodded much more meticulously than Hange did before and as it turns out, the gag in my mouth was a _very_ good idea. Petra let me rest my head on her knees and ran her fingers through my hair in an attempt to sooth me as my joints kept sending shooting pains through me every time I was adjusted. A low moan escaped me as the medic moved me a little and I glared at the man in the corner with all of my might. I hoped he was enjoying this, the sick bastard.

"Alright," the medic sighed. "Lay her head on the floor and hold her down." he instructed and my eyes widened a little and Petra and Hange moved over to pin me down by my shoulders. The man that was trying to help me worked on removing the clothing from the area so that he could see and feel the area a little better. Petra turned a little red as my pants were pulled down to my thighs and I'd be damned if I didn't react the same way. I tried like hell to ignore the gaze of The Captain but it was almost impossible. Almost as impossible to ignore the way the medic moved my leg slowly, like he was trying to capture a wild animal. Maybe it was the crazed look in my eyes as I shook my head rapidly along with my muffled protests.

"I have to put your joints back in place. Just try to stay calm." he says, and I can feel the anxiety fill me up to the brim as he straightens one of my legs all the way and nods to the two women behind me as he starts to pull. My hands were searching for something to hold onto has the pain hit me like a wave and my head couldn't help but tip back against the floor as he kept on pulling. I was silent against the gag as I bit down on it; the medic pulling with all his strength. One hand curled into a fist while the other clawed at the floor as the joint was pulled all the way out, realigned, and then let go like a slingshot. Petra actually gagged a little when it snapped back into place. The sound seemed to echo around the tent, but everyone else was seemingly unfazed. Hange wiped the sweat from my brow as my chest heaved.

"One more leg, Cadet. Hang tight." she encouraged and my back immediately arched in response to the next leg that was being pulled on. The girls' grips on my shoulders tightened. "Eli, you have to stay still otherwise he's gonna have to do it again." Hange tried to reason but all I wanted to do was spit out the damned rag in my mouth and curse them all, but when I tried a heavy boot came down on my hand and pinned it to the floor. My glare swirled up to meet The Captain's as he stood looming over me with his arms crossed against his chest.

"Oi, cut the shit. We should be worrying about the mission at hand instead of your sorry ass. _Stay still._ "

His cold voice cut through me but my glare on him just intensified and it stayed locked on him as my jaw clenched down and my leg was yanked back once more. Another snap was heard before most everyone gave a tired sigh. Levi lifted his foot off of my hand and I was released by the two women and the medic. The first thing I did was rip the gag from my mouth and rip my pants up to cover the blossoming bruises that were forming heavily on my hips. Levi sighed lowly and made his way out of the tent along with Hange after a reassuring pat on the shoulder.

The medic went over a few things with Petra and I, well mostly Petra. It was like he _knew_ that I wasn't going to follow his directions...weird. Either way, I used the girl's shoulder for balance as I stood myself and I could see the man who had put me back together turn five different shades of red. I finished buttoning up my pants and my hands shook horribly as I tried to redo the straps. My hips ached like a motherfucker and Petra was on the verge of scolding me like a mother would do to their child but I put my hand up, switching my attention to the fuming medic.

"My apologies, but when we're on a mission it's damn near impossible to take it easy. I still have a job to do but once we all get back to HQ then I'd be glad to lay around and stretch for a few days." I reasoned and it seemed to calm the man down a little but the tips of his ears were still burning bright, even if he _did_ end up agreeing with me. I couldn't just be catered to the entire time we were out. It was totally unnecessary! But in the end the medic and I shook hands and I thanked him for all the hard work.

Petra was quiet once the last man left and we stood in silence for a moment or two while I continued to fiddle with my straps.

"What was that..?" she asked, seeming far away. I looked up and let the straps fall to my thighs when I noticed how off her face seemed. "I've never seen The Captain look at anyone like that before...not in all our months here."

My face heated up a little but I tried to act cool as if my fucking life depended on it. Hell, it might've! Petra may have been too kind for her own good, but she was a damn good Scout and if I was honest, one of the best soldiers I've seen around here. "Like what?"

"Like..." she paused and a fierce blush came over her face. I massaged the tender muscles in my hips as she tried to find her words. "Like he wanted to jump you right then and there."

I shrugged a little as I pulled my ratty hair into a ponytail, turning away a little. "Petra, I don't think-"

"I've been working with The Captain!" she said suddenly, sticking a thumb into her own chest for emphasis. "I _know_ how he is! Almost everyday I'm training and improving myself so that I can be on his squad and I _know._ I know that he hasn't looked at _anyone_ that way...not even me..." she said, her fire dying down almost instantly. My shoulders sagged and I let my hair tumble back down my back as I frowned at the girl. She was strong, filled with determination and trust for her superiors, but damn was she just a lovesick puppy. Petra's bottom lip quivered a little bit and I was quick to put a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"Listen, Petra. If it's any consolation to you, I don't work with The Captain unless Hange passes the squad over for the day, which is rarely. Secondly, I've never had a good encounter with the man. Look, I still have his boot print on my hand!" I said, showing the dirt print on my skin. Petra's eyes shifted away. "But anyways...maybe he wasn't looking at me in _any_ way. I dunno, but I know how you feel about him so even though I have _zero_ feelings for him, I leave The Captain in your capable hands. He's all yours, Petra. Flirt away."

I offered her a small smile as I exited the tent and worked on my ponytail again as I slowly made my way across camp. My hips ached and each step felt like hell, it was better than being dead by far. A rather large part of me felt bad for lying to Petra about my feelings for The Captain because honestly? I had a _lot_ of them but struggled to identify those apart from contempt or sexual frustration as I walked over to a nearby tree in the more darker part of camp and put my hands against it as I stretched out my hips. I small noise of effort left my parted lips as I finished one side and switched to the other; the straps at my sides jingled a little as I moved.

Looking over across the camp, I could see the two captains still murmuring away through the thicket of wandering soldiers. I sighed a little as I pushed off the tree trunk and worked on my belts again, maybe if I was lucky Hange would put me on the night watch so that I could have some time to clear my head and you know, be on the lookout for some mighty fine titan specimens. Hell, maybe I'd even request it. I cinched the belts tight on my thighs, disregarding The Captain's words about my sloppy form because of them. A weird, twisted smile came over my features at the thought of him reprimanding me again. The look in his cold eyes just did something to fill me up inside.

Footsteps were heard coming up to me as I finished up the straps that lined up with my hip bones, but I didn't look up. "Hey!"

Hange waved a hand in the air with a cheery smile and I saluted to her. "Hello, Hange. What's up?"

"Feeling better I see?" she asked, putting her hands on her hips with a knowing smile.

I shrugged guiltily. "Just a little sore, but nothing I can't handle. So what's the plan for tonight?" I asked. Another soldier that looked a little worried came trotting up to us with a few papers in hand.

"Ah- Eli this is Moblit. He's my right hand man." she said as the man offered me a little smile and shook my hand. "Moblit, this is Eli. She's the co-conspiritor of this wonderful project that I've been telling you about!" Hange said excitedly and I could tell the man was fighting back a grimace. He was definitely the cautious type.

"Nice to meet you...anyways, I think I've got all the kinks worked out for the first titan capture and I wanted to present the new plan to you." he said, shuffling the papers in his hands.

"Kinks?" Hange asked with a quirked eyebrow.

"Y-yes ma'am. The Commander had some concerns so he offered his input on the matter." he said and Hange sighed as she put her hands on her hips. I stood there a little awkwardly with my hands folded at the small of my back.

"Ah, well. I suppose Erwin should be present for this if we're going over new plans. The man is _all_ about planning, you know. Eli, you'll be working alongside Moblit and myself so you'll be joining us. Come on." she said, walking off with a wave of the hand. Moblit gave a little worried glance over his shoulder at me before we followed suit but I shrugged it off. We were going to have a meeting with The Commander and it was my first official time meeting with the man, I had to be professional. I wanted him to think of me as a capable soldier instead of some fuckup that keeps getting fucked up on every expedition. Lord help me if someone else besides Levi had it out for me.

Suddenly I had the urge to twist one of my straps just in case he was there with us. I hummed a little as we made our way into the main tent.

 _Decisions, decisions..._


	8. Preferences

I was a bastard. I was _such_ a bastard.

I stood in the back of the tent beside Moblit as the captains discussed strategies and I couldn't stop myself from sucking on my bottom lip until it was red and swollen as I felt _it._ That burning gaze that was searing itself into my thigh were I had, seemingly unintentionally, twisted one of my straps. It might've been nearly unnoticeable to anyone else, but the man was as sharp as one of his swords. The Captain was stationed behind The Commander who as it turns out, was just as I imagined him to be. Tough as nails, focused, and actually very handsome. But of course, he was no Captain Levi. There was just something about him...

I released my bottom lip and licked the plumped skin as I zoned into whatever was being discussed. Where the capture would take place and when, what squads would be stationed and where, even a few backup plans and all safety precautions to avoid any deaths at all costs. God knows The Commander already has too many on his hands.

"Hange, Moblit, and Jackson will be waiting on the front lines to restrain the titan. But of course, if anything happens to go wrong and lives are at stake, kill it." Commander Erwin said with a flash of seriousness in his blue eyes. Moblit visibly gulped and took a step forward.

"Sir, if I may, I don't believe it's a good idea to have a rookie on the front lines. Perhaps someone more experienced?" he suggested. The Commander seemed to take this into consideration as he leaned back a little and closed his eyes in thought.

"I understand your trepidation, Moblit, and despite the incident that occurred today, I believe that Jackson would be a good fit for that position. Plus, I trust that she's in good hands with Hange and yourself." he explained and Moblit stepped down without a second thought. I picked back up on sucking on my lip and shifted my weight onto one hip to try to stretch the sore muscle. "The mission will continue at daybreak. We can't risk restraining a titan at night if from what Hange and Jackson's notes are correct, they're in sleep like states. We won't know exactly how intelligent said titan is, so it's crucial that we have a full assessment of the situation before moving forward."

We all nodded in agreement of the plans before Commander Erwin dismissed us for the night. Hange had assigned me to a few hours of lookout in the canopy and I agreed to it with no complaints. But before I reeled myself up into the trees, I walked out into the woods a little ways and did some stretches before I was stuck in the same position for the next few hours. I reached down and touched my toes before slowly straightening myself out, my hands running themselves up my legs. Reaching around, one hand slid over to one of the straps just below my ass and adjusted it as I used the other to lean against a tree for support. I'd always been a little thick, my thighs especially so it was easy for the straps that were located in that area to ride up or pinch. But before I could fix the next one, I was pushed roughly into the tree with a hand holding my own behind my back.

"Shouldn't you be on your post by now, Cadet?" a low voice asked and I couldn't help but shiver as his warm breath tickled the back of my neck. Of fucking course.

"Just getting there, Captain." I reply, turning my head a bit to take a glance at those narrowed eyes that were looking down on me. "But it seems that something's holding me back." I said lowly and he pushed me into the tree a little harder.

"And it seemed that _you_ were putting on a show for whatever lives in this forest." he quipped, the front of his pants just barely grazing my ass. I shifted a little in my spot as the man leaned down a little bit to speak even lower into my ear. "I'd suggest that you stop that."

I swallowed back a lump in my throat as my mouth went dry and I slid my gaze over to him as best that I could. "Is it because you're living in the forest at the moment? Or..."

Captain Levi clicked his tongue a little after the words left my mouth. "The entirety of the Scouting Regiment is living in the woods at the moment. I'm assuming that you knew this, I didn't picture you as the type to show yourself off so easily, Cadet."

His words sent a little flash of anger through me and I shifted in my spot, purposely bumping my ass into his front a little and I could feel his hands squeeze my wrists just a little bit tighter. "Only to the people that I want to show." I mumbled, resting my forehead against the rough bark, refusing to meet his gaze any longer. Suddenly I was whipped around so that I was face to face with The Captain. His hands were placed on either side of my head as he continued to stare me down with his face that seemed to be made out of stone at the moment.

"You're such a damn brat." he said, inching closer. Our chests were damn near an inch apart. "And don't think that you'd get away with your little games without consequence." The Captain warned as his eyes flickered down to my thigh were the twisted strap was before settling his gaze on me one more time and ever so slowly, he lowered himself down to a crouch. My heart started racing frantically as he stared up at me with smoldering eyes.

The Captain's long fingers grazed themselves up both sides of my thigh as he went for the twisted strap; his gaze never once leaving my own. He worked slowly, definitely enjoying the fact that he was making me suffer for the games that I've only just been getting started with. I sighed a little once he undid the belt and left my thigh to breath a bit. "You're doing them tight on purpose." he mused, tracing the inner seam of my pants, his fingers reaching higher and higher to where my thighs touched. "Damn..." he breathed, his hands fully taking advantage of the moment how.

"You okay down there?" I panted, fighting the urge to knot a hand in his beautiful inky locks. No one had ever touched me like this, it was like nothing I'd ever imagined. It was fucking magical.

"Your thighs are rather large aren't they." he said, pausing for a moment before finally working on the buckle. I paused myself and had to do a double take on what he just said. I wasn't really offended, it _was_ the truth after all, but still. So much for the magic.

The Captain tightened the strap to his liking before standing up and adjusting his jacket. "Lesson learned, I hope."

I clicked my tongue and grabbed my hand controllers so that I could propel myself into the trees. "Most definitely, sir." I said and abruptly turned away, but before I could send myself off, a warm hand caught my arm and pulled me back.

My breath caught once again as my face stopped an inch away from Captain Levi's and I could smell the scent of tea that had imbedded itself into his skin and clothes. "I never said that I didn't like it." he states, his voice sounded rough and dangerous.

Fuck it, the magic was back.

I sighed a little as his grip softened and eventually let go. I chewed on my lip a little as I took a step back, my hands still gripped onto the controllers. "I'll be sure to let all your little admirers know your preferences, Captain." I said with a smug little smile and allowed my wires to whisk me away into the canopy, swearing that I could hear the echo of his growl all the way up.

...

The first few hours were absolutely long as I sat in my spot with my cheeks in my hands and looked out onto the plains. There were no titans roaming around this time, assuming that they were all laying comatose in the darkness somewhere. So with the major lack in activity, it left my mind to wander.

My hand traced little circles on my thigh as I found a comfortable spot for my sore joints to settle down for the night. A couple branches away sat another soldier snoozing away, his hooks embedded into the tree to make sure that he didn't fall off at any point. The guy must've been a veteran if he had that much confidence in himself to take a nap on the job. A little yawn escaped me as I set my sights back out in front of me and I crossed my arms against my chest.

Sleeping never came easy to me unless it was out of pure exhaustion, but whenever it did happen my dreams would whisk me back to the past. Mostly they were about my parents, sometimes about Anna, but either way the dreams were no good. I always managed to wake up in a cold sweat after a few hours. This might explain the bored or pained expression that's always present on my face, Petra was kind enough to point this out to me. She meant well, but she didn't know about that part of my life and God help her if she ever found out. My years with those people were meant to be forgotten or at least locked away in total secrecy. Anna was the only one graced with the knowledge that my parents were monsters. _"Mad Scientists"_ was what they called themselves, or rather defended themselves with. I shuddered a little at the term; it took me months to get use to Hange's usage of it but the thing that made it so _easy_ was that she was so fucking kind. Crazy, but kind. She was always careful of boundaries when it came to others and I was so fucking grateful that she was especially careful when it came to me. But I couldn't help but be drawn to her, science was what I grew up with. It was all I knew, but it felt good to finally be in control of the syringe being used instead of having it forced on me.

I gripped the crooks of my elbows and rubbed them slowly, remembering back when Hange was so surprised when I knew how to work the equipment and make solvents among other tasks. I always cleaned the equipment so thoroughly in a way that Hange said reminded her of The Captain. Truth be told, I was just scared of anyone getting an infection in case it was used again- the pain flashing through my eyes along with not so distant memories...but the power of being on the other side of the madness helped me cope. Sometimes I hated myself for still being so interested in the damned subject instead of loathing it like I should and once again, the inner conflict helps keep me awake at night. I always made sure to lay facing away from Petra at night so she wouldn't know that I don't sleep. Hell, sometimes I stay in the library just lounging in one of the leather chairs until the sun shines through the stained glass windows. I think Hange has caught onto my secret hiding place though, she's always asking if I've read any good books lately with that little shine in her glasses. But, the subject was moot.

As the night continued to press on, my replacement came to release me. Thankful to get off that damned branch, I nodded to the other cadet in thanks and cascaded down to the ground slowly. My feet dragged along the dusty ground as I made my way back to camp, the small campfire in the middle just starting to die out. Everyone was asleep in their tents by this time and I picked up little sticks and other bits of wood and chucked them into the fire when I neared it. Small orange flames reached up to lick the air desperately as I sat myself down in front of a large fallen log, crossing my arms and my feet to get comfortable.

My bones were flooded with exhaustion, but I knew I'd only sleep an hour or two at this point if I did manage to doze off. I've been thinking a lot tonight, the memories still rushing through my veins and I rubbed my arms hoping to wipe away the small needle holes that were already long gone. Maybe one day I'd get over myself and get some decent sleep, but that day wasn't today...damn, I could go for a cup of coffee right now.

"Fucking _shit_." I groaned, bringing my hands up to scrub the sleep out of my eyes. The sound of boots made their way towards me and I groaned even louder. I swear to God if that _fucking_ captain was coming to fuck with me again I'd-

"Hey," a light voice greeted me and a swish of red hair temporarily blocked my vision as Petra sat herself down next to me. "I got this for you. Here." she said, offering me a small flash with steam billowing out the open top. I raised the canister to my nose and my eyes widened a little bit.

"You brought me coffee?" I asked, holding the damned container to my chest like it was my lifeline.

Petra nodded with a guilty look on her face. "Yeah, I waited up to apologize to you after your shift...I didn't want to wait until later and then not get a chance to, you know?" she asked and I nodded in understanding. Tears damn near came to my eyes when I took a sip of the coffee and realized that she'd took the time to make it just the way I liked it.

"Petra, thank you for this but it's _fine_. I understand, really." I said as I grabbed one of her hands to comfort her.

"It's just...something about Captain Levi just drives me _crazy._ I had no right to lash out at you like I did, it just drove me mad." she confessed, lacing her fingers through mine and I nodded, shoving the guilt down deep inside me so that not even I could find it anymore.

"You must like him a lot, yeah?"

A small blush appeared on her face. "Yeah, you could say that...I want to dedicate myself to him and the regiment."

"Ah," I said, taking another drink. "You love him."

God I wished this was whiskey.

"I..."

I shook our hands around a little to try to break the tension. "You don't have to say it out loud, that's okay." I said and she just frowned at the fire.

"I just don't know how to get him to notice me." Petra sighed and my heart ached for her.

I chewed on my lip a little as I tried to find something inspirational to say to try and lift her spirits. "I guess all you really need to do...is be yourself."

Petra cocked her head to the side a little. "What do you mean?" she asked, I shrugged.

"Be yourself. Make him see you, for _you._ You're tough and smart and beautiful. He'd be a fool not to notice you, Petra. Be true to yourself and the rest will follow." I said, finishing off the flask in one final gulp. The redhead by my side reached over and hugged me gently out of thanks. I rested my head on her shoulder and pretended not to see a tent flap flutter closed like someone was eavesdropping on the conversation.

And I didn't dare mention anything about The Captain's liking for features like mine.

* * *

Author's Note: Thank you for reading and all the favorites, follows, and especially the reviews I've gotten! They all really make my day, truly. But if you can, try to leave a kind word or two! Or even an idea of yours that you'd like to see in here!

Thanks again,

CaptianEli


	9. Albert the Titan

Hange waited with baited breath for the assigned teams to lead in the first titan. We were stationed up in the branches of trees that were right on either side of the site where the experiments would take place. A few other squads were scattered around the area as well to assist us in anyway necessary, but Hange was the only one ready to jump into action at the moment. We'd been standing around for about an hour at this point simply feeling the summer heat through the dense leaves as the sun rose higher in the sky; most of the soldiers were hanging back casually. I glanced over at my squad leader to see if she had relaxed a little but it was in vain. Her glasses flashed against the sunlight excitedly and her suppressed grin was more obvious than ever. Especially when the thundering of hoof prints reached our ears.

A small whimper escaped Hange's lips and small clacks sounded around the area as all the soldiers gripped the hand controls of their swords, ready to jump. Hange put her hand out though to signal us to stay back. I crouched down and looked out into the distance so that I could see the small group of green cloaks and a towering figure staggering awkwardly after them. One of the soldiers on the next branch over blew a low whistle at the height of the beast coming towards us, it was one of the tallest ones I've ever seen!

As they grew closer, Hange's excitement continued to increase once the branches started to vibrate and I could just barely make out The Captain's bitch face from the front of the group. "Hold!" Hange commanded as they continued to grow closer; everyone was practically itching to get this over with and go home. After this we'd have the rest of the day and the night to conduct whatever experiments we wanted that were within reason. The Commander stood opposite of us, ready to give the signal in a few seconds. But when his voice rang strongly through the air, Moblit and I jumped into action first. We propelled ourselves right at the beast's legs, trying not to get ourselves fucked up from the dirt that was being blown in the air from the heavy footsteps. The two of us worked in tandem as we cut the tendons on the backs of its legs and the beast fell forward with a loud grunt. We continued to disable the large titan as fast as we could while the other squads jumped in and began the process of restraining it. Blood and steam flowed forth in large amounts as we worked meticulously to ensure the safety of the other scouts like The Commander had wanted.

Hange cheered obnoxiously once Moblit and I finished and landed a little ways away from the head of the titan, steam billowing off of us as the blood evaporated. I sheathed my swords after a few minutes simply watched the show. The titan struggled valiantly with an angry expression on its face, its eyes seeing but not comprehending anything.

"Perfect! Excellent job you two! _Ah-_ this is so exciting! Let's get started!" Hange fluttered around the beast like a butterfly while some of the soldiers put on the finishing touches for security. Moblit looked like he wanted to stop and shake the madwoman but just stood there with his hands held out in front of him like he was carrying a precious bottle of wine.

The Commander jumped down from his post on the tree branch and started instructing some of the newer cadets to start pitching tents a safe distance away from the site while the rest were assigned to other tasks such as lookout duty or something else equally tedious. I waited around for a few minutes while Hange and The Commander discussed some minor details and removed my cloak. Tied onto my waist was a pair of goggles that looked similar to Hange's, but these were more for keeping steam and blood out of my eyes during the experiments. Unclasping them, I removed them from my side and made quick work of securing them to my head, but sliding them up into my hairline until we were ready to proceed.

I stood with my arms crossed as I stared down at the beast. It panted a little from all the excitement, but its eyes were still hazy and half lidded. Its body was littered with enormous stakes to keep it grounded; the titan's massive hands were quivering despite being nailed to the dirt. Did it have a sense of fear or was it simply itching to feast on one of the soldiers that were nearby? Who knew. I glanced over my shoulder at Moblit who had come back to the scene with a small trunk along with a pair of gloves gripped in hand. "Here, Hange instructed me to bring these for you." he said, handing over the gloves and I showed the man a small smile of gratitude.

"Thank you." I said as I rolled up the sleeves of my jacket and put on the leather gloves. While Hange was completely hands-on with titans, I refrained from skin to skin contact. I frowned in thought as I looked back over at the titan, something about touching their unbearably warm skin made me shudder. I'd much rather spend my time skewering them instead of gently patting their cheeks and hoping for some form of emotion from the damn things, that was Hange's department for sure. But for now I turned my attention to the small trunk that Moblit had brought along and kneeled down to pop open the locks on it. Inside resided bundles of syringes, tubes, a stack of notebooks and pencils, and even a few different types of poisons. I hummed a little as I picked up a syringe and readied it; a small black box lay underneath the carefully packed needles that Hange, Moblit, and I had designed ourselves. "Ready?" I asked the more seasoned soldier, handing him the box and he nodded solemnly.

"As I'll ever be." Moblit said, sending a signal wave over to Hange and the woman gave us a quick nod before bidding The Commander a farewell and running full speed over to us. Hange began to spout off the different possibilities and outcomes of different experiments as drool began to ooze out of the woman's mouth. Moblit just handed her a clean hanky.

Across the small field, other soldiers stood watching as the three of us neared the beast slowly. I could see Petra gripping onto Claude's arm for dear life on one side and The Captain leaning against a tree on the other. His arms were folded neatly against his chest as he observed and I turned away to put my goggles in place. Hange fluttered around the beast while I tested needles on the beast on the soft parts of its body. Each one made a quick point of snapping in half as if it were pressed into the wall itself and I huffed.

"Maybe we should- _Eli wait!_ " Moblit screamed as I grabbed one of my swords and sliced part of the titan's arm open without missing a beat. Steam billowed up into the air as the titan struggled a little and I made quick work of shoving the needle into the open wound and drawing whatever blood I could. The hot liquid filled up the container and the needle steamed as I pulled it out after a moment. I walked back over to Moblit with the sample and he fumbled with the small black box a little before popping the lid off for me. It was designed to keep the heated substance cooled, just in case the heat were to be too much for the container to handle. My gloves were warm from holding it and I worried a little, wondering if it would last. But it was all progress in the end.

I worked on getting a few more samples while Hange tried to communicate with it and the spectating soldiers started to wander away one by one, test after test. Now, at the end of the day, we still hadn't gained anything substantial. Moblit had at least two books filled with experiments and the outcome or rather two books filled with failure and it was safe to say that I was becoming bitter over the situation. The titan panted as Hange plunged a makeshift spear into its chest and the woman screamed bloody murder.

 _"Does it hurt?! Can you feel it?! Tell me something! Anything!"_

Moblit and I sighed as we watched her, it was obvious that we were quickly getting absolutely nowhere and walked up to my captain. "Hange..." I started, but the fat tears rolling down her face stopped me in my tracks. Mobiit came behind me and put a hand on my shoulder with a worried from on his face. We both watched her for a moment as a few soldiers were drawn to the sound of one of the superiors' anguished cries. Moblit chewed on the inside of his cheek for a moment before going over to Hange and beginning to restrain her.

"End it." he ordered and my eyes widened. Hange's cries became louder as she begged us to stop; Moblit struggled to drag her away as I drew one of my swords and turned to the beast behind me. Its gaze had remained the same but its hand seemed to try to claw into the dirt as steam billowed from its chest. My eyebrows furrowed a little but I drew the other one and climbed up the beast's back to end my captain's suffering, or at least a small part of it.

Maybe one day I'd end all of it.

Steam billowed up and my hair licked the air like flames as the hot, sticky air forced it back. I sighed as I hopped off the decomposing titan and shoved my goggles up onto my forehead, walking over to retrieve the notebooks that Moblit had left behind. Sheathing my swords, I bent over to pick up the books and stared back over in the direction where Moblit had dragged Hange off into. I chewed on my lip and picked up the pencil that was left abandoned on the ground and scrawled across some closure on the title page before snapping the book shut with one hand and proceeding to take off my gloves and shoving them into my back pocket as I walked away from the scene.

...

Later that night, Hange found the notebooks that were left by the flap of her tent along with the small note that were tucked halfway into the title page. The woman put a hand over half of her face once her eyes started to swim in warmth and she smiled as she retreated back into her tent. The Scouts had come here with the intent to capture two titans, but it seemed as if one was enough to satiate Hange's hunger for now, especially after receiving her little gift of closure.

The woman smiled once more as she ran her fingers lovingly over the title page.

 _Albert._

...

I sighed and stretched a little as I settled down onto the floor of my little tent that resided in the outskirts of the camp. After that, I loosened the bandages that kept my breasts tightly contained while I was out on the field or during training and a sigh of relief escaped me as I could breathe a little easier. I turned the lantern down low before taking rolling up my shirt over my chest and continuing to work on the bindings so that they wouldn't fall off in my sleep, but were still loose enough to be comfortable in. A light blush shamefully coated my cheeks as I foolishly wondered what kind of cruel games The Captain would have up his sleeves if he saw me like this. The hand that was resting underneath my breasts as I adjust the cloth twitched at the thought and I adjusted my weight as I sat back on my knees. The heel of my foot was good at causing friction in that position.

A small gasp escaped my lips as I turned myself into a needy little bastard for a second or two, shifting my hips a little each time until I'd feel just right. But my body felt like it was frozen in ice when I heard that _oh so_ familiar click of the tongue by the flap of my tent.

Oh I was so fucked.


	10. Purely Business

_Oh I was so fucked._

The only things that were keeping me decent were my hands that were clutching the fabric to my chest. Maybe if I was lucky, it'd be Petra or Hange that was hanging around my tent. Hell, I'd be relieved if it was Claude! Anyone but the man who just absolutely _adored_ to grace me with abundant amounts of sexual tension and frustration. My thighs tingled at the memory of the two of us in the woods and my hands tightened but I still scowled. The flap of the tent moved as if someone were tapping at it.

"Oi, Cadet. Are you decent?" a deep voice asked and I wanted to throw my hands up and ask _why._ Why couldn't he be running his thin fingers up Petra's thighs in the woods instead of mine? Couldn't he be playing with her instead of me? But...the thought of him toying with someone else made me sick to my stomach. " _Cadet._ " he tried again, his voice retaining a hint of annoyance. I shove the sick, jealous feeling deep down inside me and snatch the cloak that lay abandoned beside me and quickly settle it on my shoulders so that it covered everything I may or may not have wanted him to see.

"Yessir." I say once I'm confident again, and The Captain lifts the tent flap to peer in after a few seconds. His eyes linger on the cloak but he says nothing when he actually walks into the space. "What can I do for you, Captain?"

"Four-eyes won't stop raving about what you did for her. I suppose now nobody'll have to listen to her bitch and moan as much about her failed experiment now." he said, having to crouch down so that his head wouldn't bump against the top of the tent. Our eyes were leveled has we spoke, but there was no tension, thank God.

"What a blessing." I mused. "Was that supposed to be a thank you?" I asked with a quirk of an eyebrow but the man's face remained the same.

"Take it however you want, I don't care."

My eyes narrowed a little at him and I hugged my chest tighter as I shifted. "...Is that all you came here for? Seems a little tedious if I may speak freely, sir." I said and his eyes copied mine as he frowned.

"You may not." he said lowly, moving forward a little with his elbows resting on his knees. Our faces were mere inches apart but neither of us had any intentions of closing the small gap first. Glad to see I wasn't the only stubborn little bastard here. The Captain's eyes moved back down to the cloak before slowly reaching a hand out to grip a handful of the rough fabric and pulling it aside without my permission. Like he even needed it anyways...

With his other hand he completely pushed the cloak over my shoulders to that it landed in a crumpled heap behind me and his eyes traced each strap of the binding before landing on the hands that held them together. The Captain's eyes came back up to meet mine as if he finally needed consent, but all he received was a slow blink and a lustful stare in return. He placed a hand on the side of my face gently, sliding it down a bit so that his thumb pulled down on my bottom lip while he simultaneously pushed my hands away from my chest. The bindings fell loose and a heavy blush cascaded over my cheeks as I looked away; the cool air rolled over my bare skin as the last of the cloth clung to my breasts obscenely and I shivered. The Captain suddenly grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him. "I'm only going to ask this once. Do you want this?"

My breath became shaky after he spoke and my mind swirled at the prospect of how fucking messy this was about to become, but regardless, I agreed. I wanted this, no. I _needed_ this. Never in my life have I felt something so intense that it left me breathless with just a simple touch. Like now, where my breath came little huffs as the man caressed my breasts meticulously. The Captain moved in close and put a hand on the ground behind us so that he could lower us to the ground without causing a lot of noise. A groan threatened to rip through me when I felt a warm tongue trace my areola but The Captain was quick to shove his fingers into my mouth. "Stay quiet unless you want hell to pay. It'll be easier if no one knows." he mumbled before getting right back to work and I couldn't help but agree with him. Petra would straight up murder me in my sleep if she knew what was happening and if she didn't, the rumors would fly. I'd lose everything.

I can't lose this. Sorry Petra.

Captain Levi ran his hands down the bare skin of my back as I arched to the feelings that his mouth was giving to me and I did my best to give him something, _anything,_ in return. I sucked on the two fingers that he held inside my mouth and swirled my tongue around them when I wasn't. I could feel The Captain glaring at me from the way my tongue worked his lithe fingers up and down as if it were practice. Not wanting to be bested, the man reached his arm up my back and swiftly grabbed a fistful of my hair by the roots and yanked downwards. My mouth immediately popped open to release his digits as my neck craned itself backwards from the force. The Captain slowly retracted his fingers that were absolutely coated in saliva and looked at them with open disgust, and settled with wiping them off with the top of my thigh. "That's disgusting." he commented lowly, not bothering to look me in the eye as he did so, but rather his hand lingered on the fabric of my pants.

My breaths came hot and short from my neck still being craned back awkwardly, my back was starting to tire from my arms supporting my reclined position. "Captain..." I gasped, closing my eyes momentarily. The man barely registered my voice as he continued to focus on my thigh. I was about to speak again before I was cut off with the sound of my own breath hitching. He grabbed a handful of the soft muscle and used his thumb to massage the soft spot right beside my hipbone.

 _Oh fuck me._

My frame shook as tiny cramps flashed over me and The Captain finally decided to show some mercy after a moment or two. With one swift movement, he pushed my head back up so that he could look me in the eye. "That's enough for now, you look like you're fit to burst." he said and in the blink of an eye, I was dropped to the ground and The Captain was kneeling next to me as he adjusted himself. With one hand, I pushed back the hair out of my face and used the other one to cover up the bare skin of my breasts. It was funny, the scene had lasted only mere minutes but in no time the man had managed to turn me into a semi-bumbling idiot without even a kiss to the mouth. And speaking of him, The Captain was already making his way towards the exit of the tent, clearly done putting himself back together. I slowly sat up and began to work on redoing the binding on my chest, not even bothering to give any parting words.

But the man had other things in mind.

"Keep in mind that if this does happen to get out, I will personally make you a practice dummy for the new cadets, are we understood?" he asked, peering over his shoulder at me with those stormy eyes.

"Yessir."

Captain Levi gave a small hum to acknowledge my answer before swiftly exiting the tent, leaving me alone once more. As I worked on redoing the buttons of my shirt, one thought came to the forefront of my mind.

This agreement we had was purely business. Nothing less, nothing more. My hands slowed suddenly as my eyes flickered up and another thought came to mind.

Was I really okay with that?


	11. Trick of the Light

_Year 842_

Time seemed to fly by after our last expedition. Hours into days, days into weeks, and weeks into months. New cadets came and went, but all in all everything remained the same. Petra and I were still good friends, and I was still Hange's best helper aside from Moblit, and Claude never left my side after that fateful day of fighting titans and getting lost together. The boy was sweet and kind; his soft, silver hair swept in front of his big brown eyes in such a way that made it impossible _not_ to be nice to him. Like now, as Claude was insisting that I take some of his breakfast because he noticed that I skipped dinner the night before, I still didn't have the heart to slap his hand away as he held a forkful of eggs in my face. I took the fork from the boy with a small smile of thanks and ate slowly.

Expeditions had become fewer and far between as time rolled on thanks to our true lack of soldiers. It was a hunch of mine that The Commander feared the extinction of The Scouts if we were to venture out one more time.

Our numbers were truly dwindling.

But hopes were high as the graduation day neared for the newest set of cadets. We all needed to see some fresh faces that were filled with hope and justice for the people, Lord knows the veterans weren't. At that point, we were just...present. Training every day to keep our skills sharp, but never leaving the security of the walls. I sighed into my breakfast, life was more dull than usual as of late. Not even The Captain's sharp tongue could keep me satisfied, and I think he sensed that.

Our interactions were far and few between now. Petra kept him busy most days now that she was on his squad. It was nice to see her happy, but then again, it wasn't.

A frown formed on my face as I thought of them and I pushed my food away before getting up from my spot at the table. "What's wrong?" Claude asked, concern running deep in his eyes. I just waved a hand at him.

"Lost my appetite, but I'll see you around later." I said, once again offering him a smile before walking out of the Dining Hall. Adjusting the belts on my waist while I walked, the only sounds I could hear were the distant chatter of fellow comrades and the clicks of my boots on the wooden floor. Thoughts of The Captain and Petra continued to invade my mind and my face scrunched up in some sort of disgust. Don't get me wrong, I wished nothing but the best for Petra, but the closeness the two of them seem to have has been driving me up a wall. My stomach began to tangle itself in knots as visions of the two of them alone consumed me.

I didn't want to be jealous, but I was.

I don't want to carry the burden of unrequited adoration, but here I am! Walking the halls, wondering if I should've tried harder to earn a spot on his team. Perhaps if I'd tried harder to keep his twisted affections, I wouldn't be feeling as pathetic as I did right in that moment as I did walking into my room. Petra had moved across the compound to be housed with the rest of The Captain's squad, leaving me with a room to myself.

I ran a hand through my long hair as I sighed quietly. When did I get like this?

...

"Come back to me, Eli. You're spacing out again."

I nearly dropped the beaker I was holding at the sound of Hange's voice bringing me back to the present. "What? Uh, sorry." I said, fumbling to release the glass in my hard grip without breaking it.

"You've been doing that quite often, are you okay?" she asked, turning her head a bit as she worked to put a stack of books back on a shelf. I blew a bit of air from my lips and cracked my knuckles before I got back to my work.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Just a little distracted is all." I admitted as I started mixing solutions with samples of titan blood that we've been hoarding since that expedition last year. However, no matter what I did with the blood, all I ended up with was steam in my face. Now all we had left was a single vile of blood that, in all honesty, I was afraid to waste. Once we ran out, research would halt until the next time we could gather enough soldiers to capture another titan like last time. Who knows how long that could be! So with one last look at the vile, I stored it back into its container and began the process of cleaning up. Gathering all the used equipment, I carried them over to a rather large sink in the back and started washing.

The hot water rushed over my hands and did a good job at keeping my mind preoccupied. But still, I couldn't help but think about _them._ Staring daggers at the murky water in the sink, I thought about the rumors that were floating around HQ.

 _Didn't_ _you hear? Captain Levi and that girl are a thing now! What was her name?_

 _I dunno, can't remember. She just joined his squad not too long ago but now she's already...y'know. Girl moves fast._

 _You're tellin' me. Jackson couldn't even get that far!_

An angry gasp escaped my lips as a beaker shattered in my hand. "Fuck!" I hissed as red blood dripped over all my clean equipment. I wiped the sweat off my face from the hot steam and held my bleeding hand walked over to one of the nearby cabinets to dig through and see if I could find some sort of gauze. Unfortunately, I didn't find any after digging through multiple drawers but there was a clean cloth I was able to wrap around my hand for the time being. I'd have to dig the bits of glass out later.

When I walked out to the main room, Hange was passed out on her desk with papers in hand and Moblit was sleeping soundly in the corner as well. A small smile crept onto my face as I tip toed silently by the two and out the door to the infirmary.

The halls were dark except for a few dimming candles here and there, and I could faintly hear bits of chatter from other soldiers in their rooms. Blood seeped slowly from the cloth that I held onto tightly as I walked, or well, jogged. I was moving faster now, it was one thing to cut your hand open, it was another to scrub blood out of your white pants. I swear to whatever higher power there was, if I had to spend the next week scrubbing and washing my uniform because some _little midget_ _prick-_

"Oof!"

I fell to the ground with a _thump_ on my ass as I fell backwards from running into a-

"Watch where you're going."

Little midget prick. "My apologies, Captain." I said as I peeled my sticky hand off of the wooden floor with a grimace. He stood over me, seemingly triumphantly with his hands in his pockets. I didn't fail to notice how his eyes glanced over my form as I picked myself up off the ground slowly.

"You're an absolute mess tonight." he commented as I stood in front of him and unconsciously wiped my dirty hands off on my pants.

"More than usual? Or- oh fuck me." I groaned as this rust colored grime was smeared into the thigh of my pants. Who the hell authorized white pants for this kind of job?!

The Captain's eyes flickered down to my pants, and then my hand. "Definitely more of a mess than usual. Get your ass to the infirmary, Jackson."

I fought the urge to roll my eyes as I turned on my heel and started walking again. "Of course, sir."

The familiar clicks of boots filled the hallway after that, but suddenly I realized that there was more than one pair. A glance behind me revealed that The Captain was walking at a leisurely pace behind me, but he wasn't looking at me. "You look awful."

My shoulders couldn't help but sag a little bit. "Noted."

A scoff. "If I told you that a year ago, you would've said something relatively smart."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked as we neared the doors to the infirmary. The lights blinded me when I finally pushed the doors open.

"That you're thin and boring now." he said, settling on leaning against the sink that I was washing my hands off in. I cocked an eyebrow at the man as the water washed away all the old blood and grime.

"Hm, I thought you liked that in a girl." I commented and to my surprise, The Captain's eyebrows furrowed a little bit.

"You're an absolute idiot if you believe any of those rumors." he said, and I couldn't help but smile. Part of me was just way too happy about this!

"I was trying my best not to. Jealousy isn't a good look for me." I admitted. Now it was The Captain's turn to cock an eyebrow.

"Jealous? I didn't peg you as that kind of girl."

"You know? I'm not. But I suppose there's a first for everything." I said as I flicked the water off of my hands and reached for a clean towel off to the side. The two of us were quiet as I grabbed everything I needed and sat down at a small table so that I could start to pick out the small bits of glass that were still embedded into my palm. The Captain sat opposite of me, occasionally glancing down at the set of bloodied instruments sitting on a piece of gauze.

"Doesn't it hurt?" he asked.

I shook my head as I picked another piece out. "Nah, I don't feel much...what're you doing up so late?" I asked, and The Captain merely shrugged.

"I don't sleep much...ran out of tea."

A small smile managed to grace my features as I set the tweezers down. "I know how that goes. I spend most of my nights in the lab with coffee." I said and picked up a needle that I was about to thread but before I could, Captain Levi gently grabbed it out of my hands. "I'm allergic to the synthetics. Use the other ones."

His eyes narrowed as he grabbed the natural material and began to try to thread it. "How do you know that?"

I rested my cheek on my good hand as I watched him slip on a pair of gloves before stitching my palm back together. "My parents were...very good doctors."

He hummed at my answer and we sat in comfortable silence while he finished fixing me up. Afterwards, as he took the time to wrap clean gauze around my hand, the man finally looked me in the eyes.

"You _are_ thin."

I blinked a couple times as I focused on him. "What?"

"When was the last time you ate?" he asked, finishing off the gauze, but still holding my stiffly wrapped hand in his own.

"I...don't know. I've been busy lately." I said, and the man scoffed before standing up from his chair.

"Come on, Jackson. I'm sure there's something in the Dining Hall." he said, not waiting for me to get up as he walked towards the doors. I bit my lip to hide a smile before getting up and following after the man.

"Yessir."

I could've sworn the corner of his mouth twitched up in a smirk, but maybe it was just a trick of the lighting. Who knows?


	12. First Name Basis

The funny thing about rumors was that they never seemed to quit. They never ceased to exist, they simply just evolved. Like now, rumor had it that Captain Levi was bedding multiple subordinates at once. _That one_ made me laugh. The man was too much of a self righteous ass to let anyone into his chambers for sure, why would anyone ever suggest otherwise? Just exactly how long had they known this man? Two seconds?

I scoffed as some Scouts that I'd never spoken to before allowed my name to fall from their mouths like I was family when I walked by.

 _Did you see Jackson? She's definitely back with The Captain._

 _And look at her hand! Bet ya that the redhead did that to her. Serves her right!_

 _Didn't Jackson have him first?_

 _Not everyone can get Captain Levi to treat them to dinner damn near every night..._

I flexed my wounded hand at the thought of little Petra viciously stabbing me over a man; I highly doubt I'd ever live to see the day where that happens. Glancing over my shoulder, I found Petra sitting with the Special Operations Squad as she'd done for the past couple months. Claude sat with a couple of other Scouts I had the pleasure of not knowing and I smiled. At least I didn't have to worry about abandoning the boy as I grabbed nothing more than a cup of coffee and began my walk back to the lab to work on one last idea on one last sample.

Sipping on the hot drink, I sighed contently to myself. Things had been going well lately. Word had got around from The Commander that this year's Cadet Corps graduates had some promising Scouts in there, and this seemed to put everyone in a bright and shiny disposition. On top of that, Captain Levi had come back to me and this time, he was better than ever. All our teasing and games were just as good as before (if not better) and something had seemingly snapped within the man because this time around, he was actually kind of _nice._ Not a normal person type of nice of course, but a special kind of Captain Levi nice and if I were to mention this secret side to anyone, I'd become titan bait on the spot!

But anyways, I'd be an idiot to say that it wasn't pleasant because it _was._ I was allowed to sit with him in his office while he did paperwork while I would finish up with my own, we'd have drinks, have dinner together, et cetera. It had become such a common reoccurrence that it seemed to be an unspoken law between us, and if for some reason I _did_ miss dinner, Captain Levi had no qualms about punishing me. But those thoughts were for another day.

I flexed my hand once more as I took another sip of my coffee and set it down on a nearby table. Gathering up all of my tools, I laid them out neatly on a clean gauze pad before pulling out the secure black box with the last titan blood sample in there. The vile was no bigger than my pointer finger but it seemed to have a strange hold on me. My heartbeat picked up as I held the sample in front of my face, the blood almost taunting me as it sloshed around delicately. Setting it down, I took off my jacket and grabbed a piece of rubber and made a tourniquet on my arm, tightening it with my teeth. A 21-guage needle with syringe was used to draw a sample of my own blood. I labeled my own sample before setting it down with the titan vile and taped a piece of gauze to my arm before releasing the tourniquet with a snap and a sigh. I pushed my thick hair away from my face and grabbed a pair of clean gloves before I could _really_ get started on my experiment.

...

The next few days passed in a blur as things became hectic around the compound. New recruits were trying to get settled into their rooms and training was kicking back up again. Squads were running laps all over the place with their gear on, while others were actually using theirs. Meanwhile, Hange was having her squad tend to the horses. It was newbie work honestly, but it was nice. Now that The Scouts had more soldiers, an expedition could be seen in the near future. But out of the corner of my eye, I could see Mpblit taking nervous glances at me.

"Yes, Moblit?" I asked, continuing to brush one of the horses' manes. The man jumped a little, and put down the brush he was using.

"Just wondering how the _experiment_ was going." he said rather casually and I choked on my own spit.

"What?"

Moblit eyed me harshly. "I saw you drawing your own blood the other day. That's not usually a good sign."

I shrugged as the horse I was working on nuzzled hands, looking for a treat. "It's nothing, I promise. Just a hunch I'm working on."

"I'm sure. Should I let Hange know? I'm sure she'd love to get in on it." he suggested slyly, making me flex one of my suddenly clammy hands.

"No need, my dear Moblit. I planned on telling her soon anyways." I said, trying to keep my cool but that man had been through too damn much not to notice when someone was lying. All I received was a pointed look as we saw Hange walking briskly towards us with a smile on her face.

"Hey you guys," she called, waving a hand over her head. "Take a break from the horses for now. I volunteered us to go help out with hand-to-hand combat." she said and you could almost hear the entirety of her squad groan internally. Hange seemed to take immediate note of this. "Relax, it's something a little more fun than beating the snot out of some rookies. Trust me!"

I didn't trust her.

If anything, Hange's version of fun differed greatly when it was outside the lab. We'd probably end up fighting the specialists from Captain Levi's squad. The best of the best. Shit, if I had any bad karma hanging on me, I'd probably be forced to fight Petra! She'd caught wind of the fact that I'd been hanging out in The Captain's office during the night while everyone else was most likely asleep. She probably didn't know that hardly anything went on behind that closed door most nights.

But judging by the look the girl was shooting at me as we walked up to the training area, she had been stewing _long and hard_ about what she'd heard. A shiver ran up my spine as I offered her a smile and a wave, only to be met with her death glare.

"She looks like she wants to murder you!" Hange whispered loudly in my ear, making me jump a little.

"Ah, she sure does." I agreed.

Hange's glasses did that funny thing where they flash in the light suddenly and I felt my gut sink to my boots. "You guys should fight."

"Hange, no."

My squad leader's face twisted into a grin and I had to grab the sleeve of her jacket to try to snap her out of her dark ideas that seemed to be forming. " _Hange..._ " I warned, but it was in vain. The determined woman (being incredibly taller than myself) grabbed me by the collar of my jacket and pulled me forward so that we were standing in the middle of the group.

"Ah, Levi!" she called, waving an arm wildly in the air to get his attention. I wiped a bead of sweat from my brow as the man slowly turned his attention to us.

"What do you want, Shitty Glasses?"

Hange pranced in her spot for a second. "My subordinate challenges your subordinate to a fight!"

"The hell I do! Let go of me!" I argued, two seconds from slipping out of my jacket. Captain Levi seemed to think over this for a second before waving a hand over his shoulder cooly.

"Ral, you're up."

 _Oh no._

Hange's smile didn't seem to fade as the girl with daggers for eyes walked calmly up to us. "Don't disappoint me!" she shouted as she pushed me forward, making me stumble over my feet a little. I turned my head to yell at my squad leader, but before I could get a single word out, a fist shot out and struck me right in the jaw, knocking me backwards onto my ass.

The crowd around us let out a few gasps of shock when Petra took the first punch. Rubbing my bruising jaw, my blood started to boil when I saw that smug ass look on her face. "Oh _hell_ no."

Getting up off the ground, I didn't even bother to wipe the dirt off my ass as I started to circle her with my fists up in front of me. The girl copied my movements, her eyes twitching over me as she looked for any opening at all before striking. When she did attempt to throw a punch however, I felt some sort of obligation to dodge and move backwards out of her range. Looking at Petra now, it became clear that we were no longer friends. The girl looked like she wanted to straight up _murder_ me. What the hell did I do?! No, wait. That was a dumb question. I've done a lot of shit.

My eyes glanced over to The Captain that was standing behind her, who simply looked at us like he had so many better things he could be doing at the moment. Petra seemed to sense where I was looking and let out a loud sound of frustration as she swung harshly at me.

"Stop doing that!" she yelled, sending fist after fist at my face now.

"Doing what?! I'm not even hitting you!" I yelled, still dancing away from the girl I still considered a friend.

"You know what you're doing." she growled, surprising me by swinging her leg up to kick me. But before she could, I snatched her ankle up in my hands and twisted, sending her body to the ground in a heap.

" _I'm_ not doing anything, including fighting you like this." I said, looking at the girl on the ground. "Fighting someone over false information is just plain stupid. You're letting your emotions get the better of you...this isn't the Petra I know." I said, dusting off my pants and turning to walk away. "Come fight me when you've got a clear head."

I pushed pass the other soldiers as I made my way back to the main building to cool off and maybe get something to eat. Food always seemed to help me destress for some reason.

I sighed as I walked to the Dining Hall and began to pull my hair from it's ponytail and shake it out to try to relieve my headache. "...what the fuck?" I asked myself as I began to look around for some sort of left overs. A few minutes went by before I found nothing and stormed out of the kitchen empty handed. I rubbed the sore spot on my cheek as I walked, feeling the swelling and groaning a little. God, this sucked. My eyebrows furrowed as I turned down a hallway that led towards my room. "Never shoulda talked to that ginger fuck in the first place."

Among all the pain that was throbbing in different parts of my body, the one in my chest was probably the worst of it. I'd never had many friends before, so I didn't quite know what to expect when I came here. When I met Petra I was still the cold hearted little bastard that I'd always been, but something started to change in me. The girl never left my side despite all the suspicions she had about The Captain and I. She wormed herself into the innermost parts of my life and fuck it all because the girl made me soft. She was my first friend after Anna and I parted ways and helped to fill the gaping hole that he left in his departure.

Now I've gone and fucked it all up. I literally gave her the strength to knock me down, just by letting her fill that empty space in myself. The pain was evident in my face and in my actions as I kicked my door open and slammed it shut once I was inside. My eyes burned a little, not because I was sad, but because I was so fucking _pissed._ So with a huff, I sat down heavily on the side of my bed and rubbed my face to try to calm myself down a little.

I was supposed to be strong and confident, so what the hell was this? Between the hurt in my chest, the stinging of my face, and the fact that I was an emotionally stunted bastard who doesn't know how to process her goddamned feelings just made it worse. Dear God, I'm so confused.

A knock at the door startled me and I immediately wiped the moisture from my eyes before allowing whoever it was to come in. But when I saw that _oh so_ familiar head of inky black hair and those eyes I could get lost in for hours, I was torn between being rightfully pissed at him and just straight up jumping out my window so he wouldn't be able to brag about how much of a mess I was.

"Jackson." he said, standing in the doorway for a moment before stepping into the room and closing the door behind him. I could just barely hear the lock click.

"Sir." I said, sniffling a little. The window was looking pretty good right about now. He didn't really say anything after me, Captain Levi merely stood in front of me and stared me down. His arms were crossed tightly across his chest.

"Cut the shit, Eli."

I let out a shuddery breath as he said my first name for the first time in forever and tucked my hair behind my ear as I attempted to gather myself. "Captain, I-"

"Eli, don't make me repeat myself." he said, his voice as cold as ever. I had to pause and think before I could let the next few words out of my mouth.

"...Sorry Levi."

The man sighed and shook his head a little before ultimately sitting next to me on the small bed. If either of us were normal in that moment, I probably would've laid my head on his shoulder and held his hand while I put myself back together. But unfortunately, that wasn't how life worked at the moment. So we sat there in silence, both untouched.

"...Why're you so upset." he asked after a few minutes.

I shrugged a little and looked down at my hands. "I appreciate your...concern, but I'm sure you don't want to hear about it." I said.

Levi bowed his head a little and sighed through his nose. "You're right. I'm positive I'll be hearing about this from Ral for the next week straight."

"I'm sorry about that."

"Thank you."

I almost wanted to smile at that, but I settled on biting my lip. By the sound of it, I wasn't the only one who was less than thrilled about being in her company. "Thanks for coming to see if I was okay. I know you've got a million other better things to do." I said, sparing a glance at the man next to me. Levi, in turn, looked over at me as well and his face seemed to soften.

He hummed. "That may be true, but I'd much rather be in your company."


	13. Fights and Failure

The day continued on normally as if nothing had even happened after my surprise visit with Levi and I avoided Petra at all costs. So I spent the rest of my day assigning horses to the new recruits and showing them how to bond with the animal that would help keep them alive while they would be in the field. One of the new recruits however, didn't quite understand the importance of bonding with her new companion. She huffed her dirty blonde bangs out of her face as her horse nipped at her hand for the umpteenth time. "What's the point in trying to get this _thing_ to like me when it just keeps trying to bite my hand off?!"

No one else bothered to answer her question and instead chose to take curious glances at me. I tapped my pencil on my clipboard as I looked at the girl, trying to figure out if she was actually serious. And unfortunately for me, she was. Without missing another beat, I walked forward and walked up to the horse that was causing her so much trouble.

"James." I said, digging around in the little baggy I had tied onto my belt.

"I'm Madison." the girl said, looking down at me as came to a stop in front of them. I just couldn't help but roll my eyes.

"That's your horse's name. Get it memorized." I droned, finally grabbing a few treats from the bag and James took them gently from my outstretched hand. "And he's trying to bite you because he thinks your fingers are carrots. Keep your hand flat with your fingers together." I explained, dropping a few treats into her hand and I watched in great satisfaction as James took them from her as gently as he did with me.

"Oh..." the girl said, her voice left hanging in the air as her comrades snickered at her.

"And if you're still wondering why this bonding time is so important, wait and ask yourself that question when you're stranded out in titan country because you fell off your horse and it won't come back when you whistle because it hates you for being an ass. Make sense?" I said as I tucked my clipboard under my arm and looked around at all the new faces that seemed to have paled a considerable amount. "Alright, well. When you're confident that your horse likes you enough not to abandon you in the field, feel free to put them away for the night and join the rest of us for dinner." I said and with that, I bid them all a goodnight as I walked back to the main building.

"I think you overdid it back there, a couple of them looked like they were about to shit themselves."

I cocked an eyebrow at Claude as he suddenly joined me on my walk back. His hair was damp and sticking to his forehead a little, signaling a hard day's work. "Nah, they'll be okay. It's all part of the learning process. Besides, if they're practically shitting themselves because of little old _me_ , then I can't imagine what they'd do in front of a titan."

Claude scoffed. "You're not even that old."

"Heh, good one. I've definitely got a good couple years on you." I said as we ascended the steps into the building.

Claude scrunched his face up. "What? Like _three_ _._ "

"More like four. My birthday was last week." I said, and the boy gaped. "I know, I know. I'm old."

"Why didn't you tell me?! We could've done something!" he yelled, exasperated. I laughed openly at him and shoved his shoulder a little.

"It's not a big deal, I promise. Besides, some of the squad leaders that actually _like_ me got together and blackmailed the cooks so they could get me a decent breakfast."

Claude's face scrunched up again. "That's it?"

"Well, yeah. Can't exactly buy presents on base, my friend. Besides, I fucking love food." I said and the boy laughed as he ran a hand through his hair.

"I'm well aware of that, but _my God_ Eli. Raise your standards. What happens if you meet a nice guy some day and he proposes with food?" he asked, and I shrugged.

"Hopefully he proposes with a lot of it then. I'm not an easy woman to please." I said without missing a beat. Claude actually had to stop in his tracks and groan at me, but eventually we both made it into the Dining Hall and got in line, chatting the entire time like the old friends we were. Still, a part of me was worried that one day he'd turn on me like Petra did...

I prayed he didn't have a thing for Levi either.

However, my thoughts were distracted as Claude and I got our plates and he stiffened up next to me. I was about to ask what his problem was before I noticed a familiar redhead walking up to us. My hands tightened on my plate and my bruised face throbbed as she neared me, and I mentally prepared myself not to say anything that I might regret later.

"Hey, Eli." she said, and I offered her a small smile for the sake of peace.

"Hey, Petra."

The girl looked down and seemed to focus hard on her pristine boots. "I...I'm sorry about this morning. You were right, I let my emotions get the better of me." she said. Claude and I exchanged skeptical glances.

"It's alright. I'm sorry for knocking you on the ground. I didn't even want to fight in the first place." I said, and she seemed to accept this. But as she finally met my gaze, I could tell that she was _probably_ doing this against her will.

"It's okay. Just next time don't make us having something to fight about." she said as she turned to walk away and I had to pause for a moment to process what she'd just said. But before I could retort and start another fight, Claude slapped a hand over my mouth.

"Let's just go find a place to sit and eat." he said. I nodded in agreement, not meeting the gazes of the rest of Levi's squad as we passed them by.

...

Claude and I parted ways after dinner and I made my way to the lab to waste the rest of my night away. But as I passed a certain someone's office, I couldn't help but stop and debate whether or not if I should knock. However, the sounds of two distinct voices stopped me from doing so.

 _He must be busy._ I mused to myself and spared one last glance over my shoulder at his door as I continued to make my way down the dark hallway.

The lab was once again empty when I entered, neither Hange nor Moblit were anywhere to be found. It was a good thing I suppose, I needed some time to clear my head anyways. Shrugging off my jacket, it left me in my standard issued boots, white pants, and a high collared black shirt with the sleeves pushed up to my elbows. I pulled my hair into a high ponytail before slipping a fresh pair of gloves on. My samples had been sitting in it's special little cooler for the past couple days until I had the time to actually do something with them. I grabbed the titan sample and my own blood sample from the case and walked over to my little station before I got to work.

Grabbing a clean syringe that I had set aside along with the rest of my tools, I popped open the lid to my sample and withdrew some of the blood delicately. Next I picked up the titan sample and sucked in a breath. Here goes nothing.

Slowly, I popped the top off of that vile as well and steam immediately began to escape the glass. Knowing that I only had a few seconds before the blood completely evaporated, I grabbed the previously used syringe and mixed the two samples together. Almost immediately, the steam ceased and I let out the breath that I'd been holding unconsciously. I swirled the mixture around for a moment before grabbing a glass slide and placing a small drop on it before carefully placing the second sheet of glass on top of it so that I could study it under a microscope.

"So you're parents were doctors?" a deep voice said, slicing through the silence like a knife. I jumped in my seat a little, but still cradled the slide in my hands as if it were a small child.

"You need a bell." I sighed as I stood up and walked over to where the microscopes were. Levi followed dutifully. "What're you doing here?"

The man shrugged his shoulders a little, crossing his arms across his chest. "I knew you'd be in here slaving away at something."

A smirk crawled over my face as I placed the slide into its rightful place and pressed my face into the top part of the microscope, switching lenses until I found one that could focus. "How charming of you."

Levi completely ignored my sarcasm laced compliment and pulled up a chair near me. "So, doctors?"

I shrugged. "Something like that."

He clicked his tongue in disapproval. "You lied."

"I didn't, actually. Technically they _were_ doctors. Their priorities just weren't with helping people." I admitted. Levi seemed to study me for a minute after that before saying anything else.

"Are yours?"

I pulled my face away from the equipment I was using and leaned back in my chair as I looked at the man in front of me. "My priorities remain with The Scouts and finding peace for humanity."

"Is that why you're mixing titan blood with your own?" he asked. Except, well, it wasn't a question. It was an accusation. He'd been onto me since the beginning. I lowered my gaze to the floor in embarrassment.

"It was my last idea...I've been studying it for a year, everything I tried just led to a dead end." I said, defeat evident in my voice. "Even this," I gestured to the slide under the microscope. "I might as well be looking at shit."

Levi's face went from irritated to impassive over the course of my short explanation and this time he stayed silent while he watched me get up from my seat and discard the slide in a waste bucket dejectedly. My gloves came off with a soft snap before I tossed them out as well and placed the remaining samples back in their case before grabbing my jacket and beckoning Levi with a wave as I readied myself to leave the room.

We walked in silence down the dimly lit hallway for a while. "Hey, can I ask you a question?" I said, the words bubbling up out of me before I could stop them. He only hummed in response, but I took that as a yes. "Are you and Petra..?"

"No." His response was sharp and quick, catching me off guard a little.

"...Oh."

Levi sent a pointed look in my direction as we slowed to a stop. "Why."

I shrugged as his intense gaze made me a little nervous. "She came up to me today during dinner, apologized and said next time I shouldn't give us a reason to fight. It just made me think- I don't want to cross any boundaries."

"Remember this morning when I _told_ you that I enjoyed your company? I meant it." he said, and in two steps he had pushed me back into the wall with his body flush against mine. Our lips were mere centimeters apart and my body shivered from the feeling of his warm breath hitting my chilled skin. "Would I lie to you?"

"N-no sir." I said rather weakly. Levi reached up a hand so that he could trace his fingers up my neck and along my jaw lightly, making my breath catch in my throat a little. He then gripped my face lightly with his one hand and turned my head so that he could look at the fully formed bruise on my cheek courtesy of Petra's delicate fist.

"Does it hurt?" he asked quietly and I closed my eyes.

"Just a little." I said, and every so slowly, the man leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss on the tender spot. My mouth popped open from the kiss on the cheek I was currently receiving. But soon the kiss started to move downwards and multiply. I'm sure the man relished in my squirming while he worked his magic, but all too soon he pulled away and brushed back a piece of stray hair as he looked at me.

"Come on." he said, grabbing one of my hands and dragging me the opposite way of my room.

"Where're you taking me?" I asked, my skin flushed all the way down to my chest.

"My room. Is that an issue?"

I swallowed a nervous lump in my throat.

"No sir!"

* * *

A/N: Next chapter will be rated M for My-god-it's-past-midnight-I'm-so-tired-can't-do-this-tonight! I hope you enjoyed this chapter, please take a moment and review if you liked it! It'll mean the world to me, I promise!


	14. Slow Hands

A/N: As promised, this chapter is rated M for mature content.

* * *

The brisk walk back to Levi's room seemed to take forever, even though I was practically jogging to keep up with his long strides as he dragged me along. My eyes were constantly flicking back and forth between our laced fingers and the back of his head, wondering what the hell this man was thinking. But yet, I wasn't worried. I was _excited._ And if my intuition was correct, we were about to do something that I'd often thought about for the past year and a half. Something that'd make Petra slice me to bits with her swords if she ever found out.

I scoffed internally, it'd be worth it! Besides, if she were really the one who Levi wanted, she'd be in my place right now.

But she wasn't.

Levi finally slowed down as we neared his office door and his hand tightened on mine as he twisted the knob and pushed the damned thing open with as much restraint as he could muster. God forbid he kick it open and wake the whole floor up when the stone shattered from the force. "Come on," he said lowly as he led me inside and shut the door behind us, the sound of the lock seeming to echo loudly throughout the room. I walked further into the room, taking in the warm atmosphere that I'd been a part of many times before except now the air seemed to be thick with some sort of tension. A familiar pair of arms snaked around my waist from behind and held me tight Levi rested the side of his head on my shoulder. It was strange, how someone so cold and closed off could be so affectionate when the circumstances were right.

His hands slid away from my waist and down to the ends of my sleeves, slipping my jacket off painfully slow. It landed in a heap on the floor, but I didn't mind. I'd press the impending wrinkles out of it later. Slowly, I turned so that Levi and I were face to face. His sharp eyes were scrutinizing all my belts and straps that were still in place, along with my tight black shirt that had ridden up a little, revealing a sliver of pale skin. I bend my head down to follow his eyes and then look back up to him, my eyes must seem so wide and innocent like a child's. We stood there for a few ticks, just sizing each other up. Eventually I had to swallow back a thick lump in my throat before speaking. Fuck, I was nervous. "Levi." I said, my voice sounded so small.

"Hm?" he asked, his eyes coming up to meet mine.

I reach up to fix his cravat as I speak. "Are you sure this is something you want?"

His face softens a little as he continues to look at me. "Meaning you?"

"Meaning me." I say quietly. The man's steely resolve crumbles a bit as he steps forward to place his forehead against my own and lace our fingers together. My heart positively swelled.

Levi's face remained soft but stoic as he spoke. "I've wanted you from the very beginning, Elijah."

I chuckled a little as he said my name. "You read my file, didn't you Captain?"

A corner of his mouth twitched upwards and he closed his eyes. "I did indeed, but there wasn't much in there. Just your name and whatever information the Cadet Corps supplied. You're quite a mystery."

I smiled. "That I am, but you know me a lot better than most people."

"I feel like I don't know anything about you." he confessed, and my smile got larger as our heads pulled apart and I placed a hand on his cheek.

"The feeling's mutual, my friend. But lucky for you," I said, tipping my head to the side and slowly slipping off his cravat. Stepping backwards, I folded the cloth neatly in my hands and set it down on a nearby table. "I'd tell you anything you want to hear."

The man shook his head. "When did you become so...open?"

"I'm only became open around you when I realized that I needed you." I admitted. Levi merely looked at me for a moment before walking over to me and kissing me deeply. One hand was tangled in my long auburn hair while the other was holding onto my hip for dear life. I couldn't help but moan into the kiss as he quickly overpowered me and hiked my legs up over his hips before he made his way over to a small couch and lowered us down so that I was on my back while Levi was making himself at home between my legs. Hands were about to start flying to undo the belts when a loud knock on the door interrupted us.

 _Thump thump thump!_

Levi growled a little as he glared at the door and I decided to continue my work. I peppered little kisses along his pale neck, but never lingering long enough to leave a mark. He was too good for that. The man groaned at the sensations I was giving him and couldn't help but grind into me.

"Go away." he growled loudly as he worked on undoing the straps on my chest. He sat back on his knees and slipped the heavy ones off my back as I sat in his lap, letting him strip me down.

 _"Sir..."_ a small voice on the other side of the door said and I threw my head back in a frustrated groan and I can tell that Levi wanted to do the same. We both knew who it was. Another set of smaller knocks were heard and we both tried to ignore it as we got back to work on pushing straps away and I made quick work of undoing the buttons on his shirt. Levi's hands wandered up under my shirt and explored the soft skin of my belly, making me blush furiously. I tried to push his hands away with a little groan but the man didn't give up. Between all my time in the lab and the gracious dinners from Levi, it was safe to say that I'd gone a little _soft._

"Stop." he whispered, ridding me of my shirt in one swift move. Levi let his eyes rake unashamed over my body at which I feebly tried to cover myself from his intense gaze. "Glad to see The Corps are treating you well." he commented, laying me back down on the couch and proceeded to press kisses down my body. I covered my _very_ red face with my hands and bit my lip to suppress a smile.

"You mean _you_ treat me well."

The jiggling of the door handle brought us both out of our haze and the man groaned into my stomach before getting up off of me and walking to the door, an air of irritation seemed to surround him. He unlocked and ripped the door open to reveal a startled Petra. Her face immediately heated up from seeing Levi with his shirt undone and straps hanging loosely from his narrow hips. With his hair messed up like it was, the man looked like an absolute God.

"Uhm..." she stammered, tucking a strand of stray hair behind her ear.

"I'm busy, Ral." he said coldly and the girl couldn't help but jump. But fear turned into outrage when her eyes landed on the crumpled jacket on the floor and then to me. Her eyes became as wide as dinner plates once she took in my shirtless form. Petra's eyes flickered from me to Levi and back again before apologizing in a squeak and booking it back down the hall. Levi stood there for a second before closing and locking it again.

"That's not good." I mused as Levi came back to me and once again made himself comfortable on top of me.

"We'll deal with it later. We have more important things to do." he mumbled, pressing a kiss to my lips. All thoughts of Petra fizzled out of my head as Levi pinned my hands above my head with one hand and traced the curve of my body with the other. I squirmed a little as he did so but he simply ignored me, instead focusing on undoing my bindings. I arched my back so that he could undo them, but he had better ideas. Grabbing a knife that he had hidden somewhere on his person, he cut the cloth from me in one move. I gasped a little as the cool air hit my breasts.

"Levi!" I yelled, horrified that I'd have nothing to keep my breasts flattened when I was out doing work.

"It looked painful anyways." he shrugged, but all protests died in my throat as he took one of my breasts in his mouth and bit down lightly on my nipple. I gasped and arched my back into the feeling, allowing his hand to once again indulge itself in my curves. All self consciousness flew out the window as his free hand caressed my stomach because the feeling was just to _great._ I'd never felt anything like this before! Literally. I've never been fucked.

Oh god.

Levi let go of my breast, the skin shiny from his saliva and he scooted back far enough to pull off my boots, straps, and pants in a way that was painfully slow. I whined as he took his sweet, sweet time. But soon I was left in only my underwear and Levi took great pride in that as I stood up off the couch and eyed him harshly. "What?" he asked innocently.

"You have more clothes than me. Up." I commanded, and the man stood up with a small smirk. I finished pulling his shirt off of him, leaving his chiseled muscles for only me to see. Dropping his shirt on the ground, I started placing kissed on his pale chest. Moving my way downwards, I undid the man's belt and slid my hands under the fabric before pushing them down. Ignoring the fact that I had _no idea_ what I was doing, I pushed Levi back on the couch so that I could yank his boots and pants all the way off. A flash of surprise faced across his face before he realized that he was damn near naked and so was I.

Levi stood up slowly from the couch and walked over to me, a single heartbeat passed before he was kissing me gently again, his hands exploring every inch of exposed skin before settling on my ass. "Levi," I breathed as he groaned a little.

"Hm?" He asked absently between kisses.

"I need...I..." I seemed to lose my voice as he kneaded my ass. He continued to assault my lips with his much more experienced ones and it was clear that Levi was lost in his own little world. I moaned as he sucked on my pulse point and after a minute he once again hiked my legs up around his waist and led me through one of the side doors that probably led out of his office and into his room. My heart was beating a million miles an hour as he kicked open the door and let us fall into the bed in a heap. Lithe fingers inched their way under the hem of my underwear and began to pull them down, eventually flinging them across the room before doing the same thing with his own. We continued to kiss even as he reached his hand back between my legs. A gasp escaped my lips as he played with my body and I could've _sworn_ that he smiled.

"My god, you're wet." he said roughly, suddenly slipping one, and then two fingers inside me. My whole body shuddered delightfully at the new sensation and I took the chance to tangle my hands in his black tresses.

"Levi..." I panted desperately. "Levi, _please._ "

Stormy grey eyes met needy hazel and that was all it took for Levi to take my orders. I sighed as his fingers left me feeling empty, only to have my breath catch in my throat when I felt the tip of him line up with my opening. My hands slid down from his hair to his strong shoulders as he pushed in, and I tried not to dig my nails into his skin but _holy fuck_ it was impossible. "Fuck!" Levi growled as he gripped my hip with one hand and placed the other on the headboard for leverage as he continued to push in. Pain pinched my insides and a few stray tears escaped my eyes as I squeezed them tight. "Eli!" Levi gasped once he was fully hilted inside me. I took a shaky breath as the pain slowly started to ebb away and Levi finally looked down at me with confused eyes. "Are you in pain?" he asked, wiping away a stray tear with his thumb.

"A-a little." I say, forcing a smile but the man simply frowns.

"You're an idiot..." he says, kissing me on the forehead gently.

"I'm _your_ idiot."

He places our foreheads together and laces our hands above my head. "Mine." he breathes. "Are you ready?" he asks, and I give a little nod. Ever so slowly, he pulls out. A shuddery breath escapes me as he leaves me feeling empty, right before filling me back up again.

His pace started off slow as he focused on my face for the first couple thrusts. But after a moment, the pain gave way to pleasure and I found myself meeting his hips to make more friction between us. Soon our movements became fast and steady, the two of us working in perfect tandem as if we were always meant to. My voice seemed to reach brand new octaves that I'd never heard myself sing at before, but Levi didn't seem to mind. Every time I whined his name, begging for more, he'd gladly comply. One of his hands eventually left mine to go back to my hip and _God_ I hope he left bruises. I wanted to be marked by him. I wanted people to know I was his.

Because I was. And he was mine.

Stars started to invade my vision as his hips began to stutter and his movements became erratic. To keep himself from possibly roaring some obscenity, he bit down into my shoulder, causing me to scream enough for the both of us. I could see my toes curling in tightly over his back as my legs kept him as close to me as possible. This man was fucking addicting. But then Levi pushed in one last time and I felt myself grow insanely warm. My chest heaved from the intense pleasure and Levi took great advantage of laying his head on my breasts as he simply laid on top of me.

I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and kissed his hair. "You're an amazing man." I breathed.

Levi slowly raised his body up off of mine and kissed me gently on my lips. "I could say the same about you, woman." he said and I couldn't help but laugh a little. We stayed like that for a while, simply laying there until I realized something.

"Hey Levi?"

"Ellie." he mumbled. My heart swelled at his little nickname for me.

"You're back's bleeding."


	15. Street Rat to Lab Rat

A/N: (The) Wraith, you are my muse.

COME OFF GUEST REVIEW AND TALK TO ME LIKE A MAN.

Also if any of you guys are interested, I'm on Tumblr emotionallystuntedbastard. See some pics of ya girl Eli and plot with me.

* * *

Levi seemed to doze off a little after we got his back cleaned up. He was laying on his back on the bed, shirtless with his hickeys exposed to the world and looking as content as the man could possibly be. I, on the other hand, couldn't sleep a wink. I sat on the end of the bed trying to pull the kinks out of my knotted hair. The back of my head surely looked like a dog's ass from having sex all night, how lovely! But a shower sounded lovelier.

Getting up, I hobbled out to the office and began to pick up my clothes, leaving my straps in a neat pile on a nearby table. I forwent my underwear and skipped right to just pulling on my wrinkled pants. But when I pulled on my shirt, I openly groaned. Without my bindings, the shirt rode up over my stomach. I thought about stealing one of Levi's but I didn't want to send out a message to our comrades about what we were without talking to him about it yet.

Wait. _What_ were we?

I shook my head to ignore the thought, not wanting to get too torn up over it and settled on the shirt that was meant for a toddler for now. Next time we went into the city, I'd have to remind myself to buy some new clothes. But for now, I settled on cleaning up the mess that Levi and I had made throughout his office and bedroom. I picked up his clothes and set them over the arm of a chair so that I could wash them later and started to pick up my shredded bindings off the floor.

By the time that I had finished cleaning, both rooms looked damn near spotless. I wiped some sweat off of my forehead with one hand and opened up a nearby window with the other to try and air out the stuffy room. The cool air seemed to envelope me in a hug and I sighed contently. Pushing off the windowsill, I ruffled my hair a bit before grabbing my boots and heading out the door for a much needed shower. Hopefully Levi didn't wake up and realize he was alone, thinking the worst. But hey, the man once mentioned that he never slept _at all._ Now he was sleeping like a baby.

I slipped my boots on in the hall and took my time as I walked to the showers. My hips groaned and complained with every step I took but I couldn't help but smirk.

...

When Levi finally managed to emerge from his room, I was sitting on the couch polishing my boots. I cocked a brow at him as he leaned his arm on the doorframe, his hair looking _very_ disheveled. "Sleep good?" I asked, only to receive a death glare from the man.

"How long was I asleep?" he asked, moving further into the room to grab my cup of tea that I had just made. Now it was my turn to give a death glare.

"A few hours, not that long." I said, moving my eyes back down to the leather boot in my grasp. Levi simply nodded and closed his eyes as he took a long sip of tea. "I thought you never slept."

He sighed through his nose and brushed his inky hair back out of his face. "I don't usually. A couple hours here and there. That's about it." he said and I simply nodded as I screwed the cap to the polish back on and threw the used cloth over my shoulder. "Did you sleep?"

I shook my head as I stood up off the couch and put the polish back on its shelf. "No, I've been awake. I'll probably take a nap tomorrow or something." I said and Levi quickly finished off his cup of tea before leaning his head on the back of the chair as if he was contemplating something. I eyed him for a second before walking over and perching myself on the arm of the chair. "What's on your mind?"

"Consequences." he said, pinching the bridge of his nose like he had a headache. I felt my stomach start to twist up a little and slid off the arm of the chair.

"From your squad?" I asked, wringing my hands behind my back to hide my nervous habit.

"Everyone. I don't like the idea of my name in peoples' mouths." he said, not daring to look me in the eye. But the thing was, his name was _everywhere._ Humanity's Strongest. Anytime a civilian saw him, or even a new recruit, that's what went through their minds.

He just didn't like his name coming out of _my_ mouth.

A corner of my mouth twitched down as my gut continued to twist. Levi was unpredictable. Just mere hours ago he was sweet and gentle...now he was back to his normal self apparently. Last night was a fluke.

"I see," I said, walking over to put on my boots with my best poker face on. Levi's steely eyes seemed to follow my every move from his chair. A finger rested on his chin as if he were in deep thought. I grabbed my jacket off the back of the couch and slipped it on, trying to ignore the way the cool air wrapped around my bare stomach. "Well, I'll try to deflect anything that comes my way, sir." I said, the last word burning like strong liquor on my tongue.

Levi's eyes narrowed and he sat up a little. "You know that's not-"

"It's okay." I said as I walked over to the door with my hand resting on the handle. I licked my bottom lip as I contemplated my next words. Levi stood up from his chair and took a step towards me. "Levi..."

"Ellie," Levi sighed as he stepped closer to me. "If I was worried about any of that, I'd have avoided you at all costs." he said, taking yet another step closer as if I was a wild animal on the verge of attacking. "And I don't like it when my name is in people's mouths, it's annoying. I don't even care what they think...but it's different when it's about you." he confessed. I blinked away all my confused thoughts before turning to face him.

"You don't need to worry about my name." I said, but Levi simply shook his head.

"You're an absolute idiot." he sighed, grabbing a fistful of my hair and dragging me away from the door. "Why do you always assume the worst?" he mumbled before shoving me back onto the couch and glaring down at me with his arms crossed.

"Sorry." I mumbled back, mimicking him by crossing my arms as well. Levi's eye twitched a little before he let his arms loose and pushed back his bangs before he spoke again.

"I have a lot of regrets, but last night wasn't one of them. Like I've said before, I rather enjoy your company and if I didn't want or like you, your ass would be sitting on the floor in your own room." he explained, and I felt my face heat up from embarrassment. I wanted to kick myself for almost walking out on a misunderstanding.

"I suppose...I'm not very good at reading social signals." I admitted in a hushed tone and Levi looked to the side as if something more interesting was happening over there.

"That may be true...but perhaps we both need some work at this." he said, sitting back down in his chair and pouring a fresh cup of tea. But to my surprise, he handed the cup to me. "Take it, brat."

"Thanks." I mused, holding the small cup with both hands by the rim. Levi poured himself a cup before leaning back in his chair and staring up at the ceiling. "Can I ask you something?" I asked after a few ticks of silence. The man simply hummed in response, not bothering to look at me. That was fine though, I didn't want to look at him either at the moment. "What's _this_ that we need to be working on?"

I held my breath as Levi remained motionless in his spot, unfazed by the question. "Us, I suppose."

"Us?"

"You and I. Us."

"Does that mean we're..?"

"Together. But only if you want to be."

A small smile graced my lips before I closed my eyes and took a sip of my tea. "I'd like that."

"I know." Levi said smugly as he lounged and I couldn't help but turn to him with a look that could kill. He just shrugged and took another sip of his tea. "But if we're gonna do this, we should probably learn more about each other."

I shrugged. "You can't learn everything about a person in one night." I said and Levi finished his tea in one last delicate gulp before getting up out of his chair and heading for his personal bathroom.

"I'm gonna shower, but I'll make you a deal." he said, stopping in the doorway.

"Oh?"

"A decent breakfast for you, information for me." he said, and without waiting for my response he shut the door behind him and I was left sitting in a stupor. Or well, a _happy_ stupor! I finished my tea a few minutes after I heard the sounds of the shower going and rubbed my eyes as the initial happiness wore off. Something akin to horror etched itself over my features as I imagined myself telling Levi about my parents. I didn't want his perception of me to change. I wanted him to see me as he always has- level headed, strong, and only a slight wreck. He didn't need to know the reason I never slept at night, or how I came to be and how Anna came into play. But, he's always been so good at reading me despite the poker face. He'll know when I'm lying.

He'll know when I'm about to fall apart.

I didn't want that and I know for a fact that he doesn't want that. All the thoughts swirling around in my head made my gut begin to twist again. This was gonna be _hell._

A little while later, Levi emerged from the bathroom looking as pristine as ever. The contrast from his hair and skin was striking and I couldn't help but let my eyes linger a little too long. Especially when he walked right past me to retrieve his straps and started putting them on painstakingly slow. But in all reality, he was done in a matter of moments. "It's rude to stare." he commented, but I just looked away towards the cravat that was laying neatly folded where I left it the night before. Getting up off the couch, I grabbed it and shook the cloth out as I walked up to Levi. As if knowing my intentions, the man stood still with his hands behind his back respectfully while I slid the cloth under his collar and around his neck so that I could fix it up for him, all while he looked down his nose at me.

"It's rude to stare." I said smugly as I finished laying the cloth around his neck.

"You're small." he stated, and I shrugged.

"Five feet of pure rage." I said, taking a step back and putting my hands on my hips so that I could observe him. Levi reached behind him and grabbed his jacket.

"Ready?" he asked.

I took a breath. "Ready."

...

As promised, Levi somehow supplied a decent breakfast. It actually _looked_ like food! My mouth watered a little as we sat down at a table. Levi swished his tea around in the cup before letting his eyes flicker to me. I was about to pick up the roll before he snatched the tray out of my reach and I actually whined like the piece of shit I was.

"Information, then food." he said, actually having the guts to pick off a piece from the roll and pop it into his mouth _oh so fucking_ casually. The bastard.

"You're evil." I groaned.

The man remained stoic as he looked me in the eye while eating my food. "So be it. Shall we start the interrogation?"

"Of course. When will you be buying me new bindings? My shirt looks like it shrunk overnight." I said, reaching for the tray but he just pushed it further down the table.

"We'll be going to town soon, you can buy whatever you want there." he said and I deflated in my seat.

"Wonderful."

"My turn," Levi said, still keeping a hand on the tray. "Full name, age, origin."

I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. "Really?"

"Yes, really. Stop acting like a child and answer or I _will_ eat your food for you."

 _Dammit Levi._

"Elijah Jackson. I'm twenty years old. My parents live in Mitras."

Levi hummed. "Mitras...so they serve under The King?" he asked, tossing a chunk of bread my way. I caught it and bit into it quickly, swallowing before I spoke again.

"Yes, they're doctors to the Royal Government." I say, finishing off the bread and flicking the crumbs off of my fingers absently. Levi's eyes tightened as he tried to read me, just like I predicted.

"How did you end up here? A noble child of Mitras in the Survey Corps is very uncommon." he said, taking a drink.

"I fled to the Orvud District where another family found me and took me in. Their son Anna convinced me to join the military." I say, but I can tell that Lev's not content. Yet he tosses another piece of bread at me just for the hell of it.

"Why did you run away." he asked, but I could tell by the tone of his voice that it wasn't a question. I shivered a little bit.

"My parents..." my words catch as my throat feels tight suddenly. "They were cruel people. They'd find little kids on the streets and scoop them up, promising warm beds and big dinners every night but the truth was...we were just lab rats. They didn't care about us, they just wanted something lively to experiment on." I say, and by the look on Levi's face, he doesn't want to ask the next question, but he feels compelled to anyways after we both digest my words. I've never said any of this outlaid before.

"They did experiments on children?"

"Yes."

"And you?"

I swallowed a lump in my throat. "...Yes."

Levi slides the tray fully in front of me now, probably knowing that the warm food would be a great comfort to me at this point. "Were they really your parents?"

I shook my head. "No, they weren't. But somedays, when they were in good moods, they'd treat me like I was their own."

The man's eyes seemed to be clouded with an infinite number of questions, but only one seemed to come to the surface of his mind. "Where did you come from?" he asked, and my throat seemed to close up tight. Flashbacks of screaming and yelling flew through my mind and I had to put a hand over my eyes to shield my inner turmoil.

 _You're not supposed to say that word, Elizabeth._

Her voice that she left imprinted in my brain sent chills down my spine. I couldn't say the word. Years of conditioning prevented me from doing so, I just _couldn't_.

"Ellie." Levi said, our hands just barely touching in his own little way of trying to comfort me. My eyes flickered up to his and I saw the concern heavily masked behind his calm features. So I settled on tapping my finger down on the table.

"Down..." Levi mused, staring at my finger. I just tapped the table again, but a little bit harder this time. His mouth popped open a little as he looked at me with realization.

 _"Underground."_


	16. Trembling

_It was dark._

 _Not because it was nighttime, but naturally so. Sunshine was a myth down here to the young adults and children who've never seen it yet the city remained aglow with thousands of lights. People wandered to and fro trying to get on with their daily routines without noticing the dead and or dying sitting on the sidelines. Small children held out chipped cups begging for change, but they might as well have been invisible._

 _"Come 'ere, Baby Girl."_

 _I remember turning my head away from the one window in our tiny home and towards the bed where Momma slept. I remember she was pretty, like she was meant to be a princess or something, but instead she was sentenced to a life stuck in a bed. Papa said her legs were sick, I can't remember why though. I was so little._

 _"Come 'ere." the voice called again, but it wasn't Momma's. Looking past the bed where she slept soundly, I could see Papa's silhouette sitting at the table. His head was bowed down and the drink in his hand seemed to have stopped steaming long ago._

 _"What's wrong?" I asked as I made a halfhearted attempt to climb onto his lap, but he got the hint and pulled me up himself._

 _"Mama's sick." he said. Papa's face looked old like a grandpa now. I can recall poking the bags under his eyes to see if they'd go back to normal, but they wouldn't. Papa didn't mind though, he always thought I got away with everything I did because I was cute._

 _"I know." I said, absently running a thin hand through his bright red hair. Mine wasn't nearly as bright, it was dark. It looked like the blood that came from my knees when I scrape them up._

 _Papa was quiet for a while before he spoke again. "Do you know how lots of people take naps when they're tired?" he asked, and I hummed as a smile lit up my face._

 _"Yeah! Like me and Momma?"_

 _Papa nodded. "Yeah, like you and Momma. But Momma said she was really tired...so she's gonna take a really long nap now, okay?"_

 _"When is she gonna wake up?" I asked, looking up at him with big eyes. He looked away._

 _"I dunno, Baby Girl. But we don't wanna wake her up while we're running in and out all day, right?" he said, his voice sounded funny._

 _"Right..."_

 _He nodded solemnly before rubbing his eyes a little. I looked up at the ceiling to see if there was another leak. "So we're gonna move to a big, nice house. And when Momma wakes up she can come live with us, okay?"_

 _"Okay." I said, my stomach feeling heavy at the thought of leaving Momma behind. I didn't want to, but I didn't wanna make Papa mad. He already look so tired. I looked back over at the bed before Papa lifted me up off his lap and took my hand, leading me out the door after grabbing some of our belongings and stuffing them into a sack._

 _I never got to say goodbye._

 _Papa threw the sack over his shoulder and held my hand tight as we walked out of the little shack that wasn't my home anymore. Worry wormed itself through my insides as I saw the dark windows, shouldn't we have left a light for her?_

 _We walked through crowds of people heading this way and that to get to wherever our new house was. I felt like I was going to get lost in an sea of faceless adults. "Don't let go of my hand, alright?" Papa said, taking a glance down at me._

 _"Okay, Papa."_

 _I don't quite remember what happened next. I think it was some sort of panic, people started running. Sounds of clashing metal resounded through the area and everyone scattered. People pushed past Papa and knocked into me, knocking me back on my butt. "Papa!" I screamed, but the strange sounds seemed almost deafening to me and no matter how hard I looked, I couldn't see the head of bright red hair that I was so desperately searching for. Climbing to my feet, I pushed against the crowd and ran as fast as my thin legs could carry me. "Papa! Papa don't_ _leave me!" I screamed, but it was all in vain. The panicked crowd along with the ground of onlooking bystanders had faded away after the green cloaks left and I stood alone in the middle of an empty street._

 _The air chilled my arms so I rubbed them to try to keep warm and slowly spun in a circle to try to see something familiar. But there was nothing. My lip quivered uncontrollably and fat tears rolled down my hollowed cheeks. "Momma! Papa!" I cried, but I received no response. I was scared out of my mind. I'd never been alone before. What was I supposed to do? I didn't know how to get home!_

 _I don't know how long I spent sitting beside some building, crying my eyes out. I had inadvertently become one of the hundreds of invisible children that roamed this city._

 _But then one day, not too long after I lost Papa, a girl had found me. She was pretty like Momma, but instead of a princess she looked like a fancy doll. Her skin was pale like mine, but hers was beautiful. Gold hair was tied up in a bun and bright amber eyes stared down at me through glasses._

 _"Oh my goodness..." she gasped and without missing a beat, grabbed a canteen that was hanging from her side and sat me up so she could pour some in my dry mouth. I blinked lazily at her, I was so tired and hungry. All I wanted to do was eat my dinner and take a long nap like Momma. "Are you alright? Where are your parents?" the woman asked, but I didn't know how to answer her. My throat still felt like it was sticking together every time I swallowed._

 _"Ngh..." I moaned, but apparently that was a good enough answer for her. She seemed to think long and hard about something as she held me in her arms. I don't think she was from here, she looked too clean._

 _"Here," she started, picking me up like a newborn baby and carrying me out into the street. I remember there were others waiting. All wearing dark clothes with stuffed looking burlap sacks on their backs. "Why don't we go back to my house and I'll get you all fixed up before we start looking for your parents. Does some hot dinner sound good to you?" she asked, already knowing the answer. I nodded slowly and she gave me_ _such a sweet smile, I melted into her arms. I felt so safe._

 _"Good." she mused, as one of the men with her walked up to us with an empty sack. She slipped me into it before placing a damp cloth to my nose and mouth. "This is gonna make you a little sleepy in a few minutes. Just close your eyes and relax while we take you somewhere safe, okay?"_

 _"M'kay." I mumbled, letting whoever synch the bag closed over my head. I didn't even think about fighting against them, I wasn't strong enough anyways. The swaying of the bag lulled me to sleep as they carried me away to somewhere new._

 _I didn't know they were taking me away forever._

 _I was only five._

* * *

The tray that once held my breakfast was empty now, and Levi sat across from me in silence. My stomach hurt from eating so much, but I sat there staring right through him feeling so fucking empty inside. The sound of soldiers filing in for their breakfast didn't register to either of us, neither did the fact that we'd been talking for _hours._

"What happened next?" he asked, but as my eyes came back into focus I noticed the tables around us starting to fill up with people and shook my head as I got up, taking the empty tray with me.

"I've been spending the last fifteen years trying to get used to the sunlight." I said before turning and walking off to dump my tray. I wasn't sure if Levi was following me or not, but I headed back to my room anyways to fetch a spare set of bindings for my chest. The sound of my lone boots clicking across the floor was the only thing that kept me together at that point but I made it to my room in record time. I shut the door rather loudly and locked it tight before I wandered to the middle of the room and raked my hands through my hair.

I gave up on being weak a long time ago because I was the only person that _I_ could count on. My chest heaved as I took quick breaths and I fell to my knees. The sunlight from the window was starting to overwhelm me, but I didn't have the will power to get up and close the thick curtains. So I slid over to the wall where the rays of light couldn't touch me and held my head between my knees to try to pull myself together. It didn't take long to calm the panic attack, but the flashbacks still lingered. I rubbed a hand over my eyes as I scooted over to the little nightstand beside my bed and dug out my spare bindings before standing up shakily and yanking the curtains closed with a little too much force.

My breath came out shaky as I leaned against the wall for support. Who was I kidding? I wasn't strong at all, why was I trying to fool myself? No matter how much I covered it up, I was still that scared little girl on the inside just begging for someone to help.

With shaking hands, I slid my jacket and straps off and left my shirt hang around my neck by the collar as I put my bindings on. Feeling like I was in a trance, I got redressed in no time. I smoothed my shirt down over my stomach and grabbed my green cloak, pinning it around my neck before throwing my hair up into a ponytail and heading out the door.

I willed my hands to stop shaking as I walked to the training grounds to be with Hange for the day. The crunch of my boots on the dirt reminded me that I was grounded and I took a deep breath, half trying to calm myself and also to ignore the whispers and stares that my fellow comrades were sending my way.

They knew. They totally fucking knew.

I pulled the collar of my shirt up higher over my neck to hide the hickeys and continued on my trek to Hange. Everyone ended up spending the day doing gear training once all the new recruits were settled in and to my surprise, I was assigned my own little group of cadets. When I looked at Hange for an explanation, she simply gave me an excited smile and two big thumbs up. I turned back to _my_ subordinates with a roll of the eyes and put my hands on my hips as I addressed them. "My name is Eli Jackson, and I'm going to be your team leader today. Go ahead and introduce yourselves."

The four boys in front of me coughed and fidgeted a little before one eventually stepped forward. "I'm Reese." he said, raising his hand. I looked him over for a second before nodding at him. He was small, just a couple inches taller than me with shaggy brown hair. He seemed nice enough.

Then the next one stepped forward. "Gable."

"Nash."

"Arlo."

I nodded at each of them as they raised a hand and said their names. My eyes narrowed as I looked over all of them, something was off. "Are you lot...related?"

They looked at each other sheepishly before Nash spoke for them. "All brothers, Ma'am." he said and I couldn't help but immediately pinch the bridge of my nose in frustration. Some poor lady out there was probably having a heart attack from this fuckery.

"Oh, Lord. Alright, well let's get to training then." I said, not wanting to linger on the subject anymore and the boys all followed me like a trail of ducklings. I spent hours showing them tips and tricks of their gear, and what happens in case something were to go wrong. All the ins and outs of 3DMG were now locked inside their capable minds, now let's hope they're able to retain some of this information for expeditions.

We eventually moved on to hand-to-hand combat after they had their gear down and of course being the brothers that they were, took each other down like it was nothing. I smirked to myself as I leaned on a nearby post and watched them go at it like animals.

"How's it going?" a voice said from behind me, and I smiled as I saw Claude making his way towards our group. He'd gotten so tall lately!

"Pretty good, I don't think they know how to show mercy." I mused as Arlo put Gable into a headlock and mercilessly pushed him to the ground when he felt like he'd finished the round. Arlo threw his hands up into the air and strutted around the dirt and I rolled my eyes before walking over to him.

"Who's next?" the teen yelled, beckoning his brothers with his hands.

"I'll take a turn." I said, stopping to stand before him and I could hear Claude whistle from his spot by the post. Reese fidgeted in his spot before turning to the more experienced soldier to his side.

"Is she gonna be alright? Arlo's pretty mean when he wrestles..." he said but Claude actually snorted at him.

"She'll be fine. Eli's a tough soldier, believe me."

Reese looked at him with doubt. "Are you sure?"

Claude cocked an eyebrow at the boy. "Are you doubting your superiors?"

"N-no. No sir." Reese said, immediately casting his eyes downwards from embarrassment and Claude sighed as he pushed his long hair our of his eyes.

"Look, once you work with Eli in the field, you'll get it. I worked with her on my first expedition and it really opened my eyes." he said and without even looking at the shorter boy beside him, he knew that Reese was about to beg him to continue. All the brothers plus Claude watched the other two circle each other in the makeshift ring as the story continued.

"It was super shitty outside back then. Rain, fog, you name it. We got separated from the group but we had to keep moving. If there were flares in the sky you couldn't see them...and then titans sprouting up everywhere like a goddamn nightmare. Knocked everyone clean off their horses." he said, not saying anything about how Gable and Nash crept into earshot so that they could hear the story too.

"Both of Eli's hips popped out of place when she fell off her horse, couldn't even stand up straight without using one of her swords as a cane. But you know what? If it had been anyone else, they'd be dead right now. She kept a clear head and helped us take out the rest of the flock. So the next time you feel like doubting her, remember that Eli's been through a lot more than you cadets, and she's more experienced than the majority." Claude said, clapping proudly as his best friend took down the large teen with ease before turning back to the suddenly pale boys. "And if you lot have any brains in your head, you'll put your faith in her. She's the one that's gonna keep you alive in the field."

The brothers all straightened up and saluted Claude with scared expressions. "Yessir!"

Claude smirked before shoving his hands in his pockets and walking away. "That's more like it."

* * *

A/N: Take a second to review and tell me what you think! Thanks!


	17. Listen Up

Levi seemed to grow distant after our little heart to heart a few weeks ago. True, he was still his kind self whenever we were alone, but there was something burning behind those stormy eyes of his whenever he looked at me. Like he was trying to figure me out, or gathering the nerve to ask for the rest of the story...but everyone knew damn well that Levi didn't have to gather the nerve to do _anything._ This was The Captain we were dealing with here. So every time he looked like he was about to say something to me but instead clamped his mouth shut and would mumble something about paperwork, my temper flared. Not very much at first, but more and more each time. I never lashed out though, I just clenched my jaw and carried on.

Like now, how we were sitting in his office. He was focused on a stack of papers on his desk while I sat in a nearby chair with a cup of tea and a thick book to read. It was far past dusk now and my whole body hurt from using my gear. It was like I'd used muscles I'd never used before! Or perhaps I was just out of shape. Either way, all I wanted to do was lay in my bed and _dare_ I say catch up on some sleep for an hour or two. I could deal with the nightmares later, and with that final thought, I closed my book with a _snap_ and stood up from the chair while rubbing my eyes with the back of my hand. Levi's eyes flickered up to me as I put the book back in its spot on the shelf and grabbed my jacket off the back of the chair. "I think I'm gonna head back to my room and try to close my eyes for a bit."

"Alright." came his reply after a few ticks before the scribbling of the ink against the paper continued once more. I bid him a farewell with a nod of my head before heading out the door and into the dark hallway with my jacket hanging over my shoulder casually. It seemed like one of the many times before where the soft clicking of my boots were my only company tonight. Except for the low rumbling of my stomach.

Before I knew it, I was heading towards the dining hall for some late dinner instead of my room where I _should've_ been getting some much needed rest. I was standing near a stove where I was toasting some bread over an open flame, casually flipping it every couple beats so I wouldn't end up with a charred mess. By now the people that were in charge of running the Dining Hall knew who I was and because I was genuinely pleasant to them, allowed me free range for some reason. I didn't quite understand it, maybe it was because I was always in the company of Levi. I know for a fact that they liked _him._

The smalls pops and cracks of the flames along with the heat seemed to wake me up. Although my muscles still ached like a motherfucker, I wasn't as plagued with exhaustion as I had been a while ago. Feeling satisfied, I flipped the toast onto a plate and put out the small flame before I froze suddenly. Multiple pairs of boots could be heard walking and I tensed. Everyone should've been in bed a long time ago, but then a part of me began to think that it was The Commander or Hange or maybe even Levi just wandering about. But it was simply too many pairs to be innocent.

"Hey _Ellie._ " a sickly sweet voice greeted me. I turned around to see Petra and a couple others lingering behind her. Of course she bought a bunch of bigger men with her, typical. I still held the plate in my hand as I leaned back against the counter casually.

"It's Eli, please and thank you." I said, but one of the men merely laughed at me. His overbearing smugness made me grind my teeth, especially when he decided to eye me up and down, seeming to judge every aspect of my appearance. The other men seemed to be fresh off the block, seemingly recruited by the small girl in the front of the group. Petra was obviously the leader of whatever this was, but she didn't show it. She looked _kind._ Like when I'd first met her, smiling and sweet. At least now I knew it was just a front.

"I think we'll stick with Ellie, thanks." she said, her voice making my temper flare a little. "At least, that's what The Captain calls you, right? When he's busy using you anyways."

My chest tightened, but I managed to keep my cool in that moment. "Is this why you're here? To belittle me?"

The girl giggled a little before taking a step forward along with all her cronies. "Not quite. We just wanna show you something." she said, before another man suddenly lunged out at me from the side door I had forgotten about. Not hesitating, I whirled my plate at him with it shattering on impact before swinging my fists at the other men came at me. It quickly turned into an all out brawl. Petra mostly stayed out of it though, and despite her absence in the fight, I was still slowly loosing. Four against one was a little unfair. I managed to land a hit on one of them before another kicked the back of my knees, knocking me to the ground. My face collided with the cold stone with a _slap_ and I couldn't help but groan as I spit the strange copper taste from my mouth. Then suddenly, someone stepped on my legs before grabbing my wrists and yanking me into a kneeling position like a rag doll. My vision swam a little as I adjusted to the new position but I didn't really have time to react to the situation before my head was yanked back by my hair.

 _What the fuck was wrong with these guys?!_

"Okay, Ellie. Ready to listen?" Petra asked as she walked up to me and bowed down to my level. I couldn't help but spit blood onto her pretty little face.

"Eat shit." I growled, and her face hardened as she wiped it off. A quick kick to the gut got me to spill more of my bloody spit onto the stone before she yanked me back to look at her by my bangs. The hands that held me still felt clammy, were they nervous?

"Alright Fat Ass, listen up." the girl hissed, I didn't dare whine from the harsh grip on my hair. Her eyes held pure malice as she spoke her next words. "Nobody wants you with The Captain. Humanity's Strongest, remember? And you? You're nothing more than a stress reliever and if for some insane reason he actually cares about you? Then you're just another distraction in the field. So do everyone a favor and leave the man be. He's got more important things to do than some common whore from The Underground."

My eyes blew open wide before another fierce kick stuck me across the face. "You weren't the only one there that morning. I heard it all." she said angrily. "Levi is the only exception when it comes to that supposed hell hole. Now do _yourself_ a favor and go back to where you came from." she said, giving one last kick to my gut before letting her lackeys have at me. I was shoved onto the floor, unfeeling and feeling at the same time. It went on for a good while, the polished boots flying at me from all directions. Little pops and cracks let me know that they were doing some real damage, and _fuck,_ did it hurt. I couldn't deny that.

I don't know how long it was before they left me there, or how long I'd been laying there _since_ they left. I laid curled into myself a little, but that was just from their boots pushing me around. My eyes were hazy and half closed, occasionally blinking away the blood that managed to seep in and make them sting. My whole body felt stiff, like I couldn't move or I'd break into a million pieces. I felt like a porcelain doll that was cold to the touch, but I couldn't be bothered to shiver.

"Oh fucking _fuck._ Holy-oh-fuck!"

I could hear a pair of boots race towards me and someone drop to their knees before me and I could feel a little wave of relief wash over my body. A green cloak was draped over my body, it was long enough to cover everything but my feet, but that was fine.

"Eli, can you hear me? Do something, squeeze my hand- _shit..._ " a familiar voice said, sounding oddly distressed and strangled. A warm hand slipped into my own while the other laid itself on my shoulder so the man could shake me. My blurry eyes slid themselves over to look at the man who was stressing himself over me, and my heart broke more than it already was when I realized it was Claude and the look on his face. Tears brimmed in his eyes as he looked over me and something about him- I couldn't look anymore. Allowing my eyes to close, I tried to curl my hand around his, but the best I could do was flex my fingers. A strangled gasp escaped him before he kneeled over me hesitantly.

"Listen, I'm gonna get you out of here, okay? Just relax, everything's gonna be okay." he said, sniffling a little before swaddling the cloak around me like a child and picking me up bridal style. Claude tried his best to shield me from anyone as he ran to the infirmary by pulling the hood over my face and holding me as close as he could without hurting me, and then I remembered why we were such good friends. He cared about my interests. He _knew_ I didn't want anyone to see me like this, so he hid my face. And I know without a doubt, that he'd make sure that anyone who knew, knew to keep it a secret. No one needed to know that I nearly got pummeled to death by some members of the Special Operations Squad and a few rookies who didn't know shit yet. No one, Levi especially.

He didn't need to know that he played a role in this.

It'd make everything so much worse.


	18. Recollection

Claude paced around outside the infirmary doors with his hands on his face as the doctors worked their magic on Eli. He didn't know exactly what happened, but he had a damn good idea. But before he could do anything, he needed to talk to Eli first. He needed the truth.

The sounds of several people running down the hallway caught his attention before he looked up and saw The Boys skidding to a stop before him and saluting. "We came as soon as we heard."

"Is she okay?"

"What happened?!"

"Enough!" Claude boomed through their endless questioning and they fell silent. Reese, Gable, Nash, and Arlo each had a look of apprehension on their faces and Claude couldn't help but sigh. He could never stay mad at them. "I just...I need all of your help." he said with a stressful breath. The Boys just looked at each other while Claude popped his head into the infirmary signaling that he was leaving.

"What happened?" Reese asked as he trotted after the group. Being the smallest of the bunch, it was harder for him to keep up. Claude's hands clenched into fists at his sides as he recalled what had happened earlier that night.

"I'll show you in a second." the older man murmured as he led the group towards the Dining Hall. It was empty since it was still in the odd hours of the night, which was a good thing because the kitchen looked like a murder scene. The Boys could be heard sucking in their breaths as they looked around the room. Dark blood splattered the floor and lower cabinets and broken glass littered the ground. But what really got their attention were the multiple sets of bloody bootprints that seemed to lead right out the door where they were all standing.

"Holy fuck..." Gable breathed as he covered his mouth. True, it was nothing compared to his first expedition. But it was still unnerving to have a scene like this so close to home. "Please tell me Eli beat the shit out of somebody in here."

Claude pursed his lips as he sidestepped a puddle of blood to reach a closet of some sort. "No, it was quite the opposite. But...this is why I woke all of you up so late. I need you lot to clean up this mess." he said as he produced cleaning supplies and tossed them each something.

"Why? Shouldn't we let your superiors know what happened? Whoever did this needs to pay." Reese spoke in a tiny voice while he gripped a mop handle; Nash put a hand on his shoulder to comfort him.

Claude crossed his arms and took a moment to think before he spoke again. "I know Eli...her and I, we're best friends. She doesn't like people pitying her...and I think there's more to this than meets the eye. I just need to ask her first when she's put in recovery." he mused, putting a finger to his chin but The Boys weren't quite convinced.

"So we're cleaning up the evidence because she doesn't want people to feel bad for her?" Nash asked, unbelieving. Claude narrowed his eyes at him.

"Listen, I don't know all the facts yet, but all I'm saying is stay clear of the SOS. Keep this a secret until I say otherwise, and God help us all if The Captain finds out about this. So keep your mouths shut, if not for me, then do it for Eli."

Yeah, that got them to shut up.

As Claude departed, The Boys quickly got to work on making the kitchen cleaner than it's ever been. Nash and Arlo worked on scrubbing the stone floors while Reese and Gable worked on wiping down the cabinets. All of them seemed to be off in their own little world as they cleaned, reminiscing on good times with their team leader. It was quiet for a long while before anyone had built up the nerve to speak. But when they did, the whole kitchen was alight with stories that made the time pass by faster.

"Remember after our first expedition, Eli took us out to celebrate?" Reese said rather cheerfully and Nash pretended to throw up in his spot.

"Yeah, only 'cause the whole thing was a disaster." he said, and Arlo socked him in the head.

"No, it was 'cause we did fucking awesome! She even said so. Didn't have to save any of our asses once."

Gable nodded as he started to pick up the pieces of glass on the floor. "Yep, so she took us out for drinks. Except little Reese still looks like a baby so he got to drink milk." he laughed. Reese's face went through five shades of red as he sunk down into himself.

"Wasn't that bad!" Reese argued, trying to defend himself. "Besides, Eli drank it with me while we watched you lot make asses of yourselves." he said and little grumbles echoed throughout the room as no one agreed nor disagreed. The subject was moot, but in no time the kitchen was spotless. Even The Captain would have to agree that it's cleaner than its ever been. So with a wipe of their brows, the brothers departed the Dining Hall and went back up to the infirmary without saying a word to each other. They all knew were they belonged.

When they arrived, Claude was leaning against the wall by the infirmary doors. Before they even said anything, the older man looked up with a tired gaze. "All clean?"

The Boys all nodded. "Yessir."

"Good," Claude sighed as he rubbed his forehead. "You're all dismissed for the night. I'll keep you updated about what's going on."

They all nodded again. "Yessir." they said but before they could make their exit, Claude stopped them.

"And remember, keep your mouths shut until we find out who did this." he warned, and with a third and final nod, the band of brothers disappeared down the dark hallway and headed back to their rooms, leaving Claude to himself. "Why does everything have to be so messy?" he asked himself, only to receive the muted sounds of the doctors' conversation as an answer.

It wouldn't be until hours later when a tired looking doctor would emerge from the infirmary doors with a towel in his hands. "Still out here? A bit late, isn't it?" the man said casually while he dried his hands, but Claude paid his words no mind as he stood up off the floor and yawned.

"How's she doing?" he asked, and the doctor stepped fully out into the hallway, allowing the door to shut behind him.

"It was touch and go for a while, but I think she'll make a decent recovery. However, her injuries were far more extensive than we initially thought." he explained, and Claude's eyebrows furrowed in thought.

"What do you mean?" he asked, and the doctor threw the towel over his shoulder before he spoke again.

"She had some internal bleeding, a few fractures, a broken wrist...the list goes on and on. But...there was also a lot of old scar tissue when we opened her up to address the bleeding. Any idea where that's from?"

Claude was dumbfounded. "I honestly have no idea."

The doctor nodded. "Ah, well. No worries. She's in recovery now but we're almost certain that she's got a concussion of some sort. There's a _lot_ of bruising, but we'll have to wait until she comes out of the anesthesia to be certain." he explained and Claude nodded again.

"Can I see her?" he asked, and the doctor sighed a little.

"Not now, let's give her body some time to rest. Go on and get some sleep, I'll be sure to get ahold of you as soon as she's ready." he said with a small smile, clapping a hand on Claude's shoulder. "And as per your word earlier, we'll keep this incident between us until this is all figured out."

"I appreciate that, so much. And I'm sure Eli does too. She's going to be _livid_ when she wakes up..." Claude mused, his eyes widening as he recalled how bad her temper could really be when someone wronged her too many times. True, she was a calm person the majority of the time, but every once in a while...

"I'll also restrict visitors for everyone's safety." the doctor said with a nervous smile and they both nodded vigorously in agreement.

"You're a smart man."

...

 _When I finally came to, I was bombarded with new experiences and sensations. They introduced me to the sunlight by letting all of the kids play in the courtyard. It seemed like an absolute dream, trying to catch butterflies and get the strength in our legs back. After that, we were all whisked away for baths. Scents I've never had the right to smell were lulling me into fantasies, but all too soon I was pulled out of the water so that they could play dress up with me. Lavish dresses and curled hair soon became the norm when we were around anybody at all. All the children learned their manners in a matter of days and if we did good, we were allowed to eat with the adults._

 _Lavish clothes and lavish dinners._

 _But it didn't stay like that. After a while, the adults grew tired of catering to us. They wanted something in return. They said they "rescued" us. They didn't have to, but they did. So the norm went from fancy dresses to dingy hospital gowns, plush beds to cots, and meals? Those became rewards. If we did good with our experiments, we got dinner. But a lot of the smaller children weren't cooperative, leaving the older children to give up their rations. And so, we started_ _disappearing one by one after a few months._

 _First Bailey, then Alec, then Christi._

 _There were other children there when we first arrived, but they soon disappeared as well. It was strange. Every part of me hoped that they were returned to The Underground, but when I looked at all the empty cots around me, I couldn't help but feel sick. Sick that they were gone, sick that I was left for some reason. And as my stomach churned as I sat on my cot, holding my knees to my chest, the door opened._

 _Blinding light filled the otherwise dark room and I had to shield my eyes._

 _"Hello, Elizabeth." her cold voice said as she stood in the doorway. Mrs. Eva had her hands folded behind her back and her heels clicked loudly as she stepped into the room towards me._

 _"Hello Mrs. Eva."_

 _Her muddy brown hair was pulled back into a twist and I remember her lips being painted this striking red and her lab coat swished hypnotically. She would've been beautiful if she wasn't a complete monster. "Please," she cooed, stepping right up to me and tipping my head back with a single finger so that she could look me in the eye. "call me Mother." she said, and pulled out a syringe from behind her back._

 _I don't remember much after that._

...

A little groan escaped me as I awoke from my slumber. My whole body _ached_ like a motherfucker and the light was practically blinding. When I tried to speak, my throat felt raw so all that came out were little crackles and pops. Trying to adjust in the bed I was in was almost impossible. One of my hands was wrapped in a thick bandage and held to my chest, and my stomach felt like it was being sliced to bits by someone's swords. However, I did manage to prop myself up on one elbow with heavy breaths.

"Hey hey hey! Lay down, you're gonna hurt yourself even more." a loud voice said, making me wince but gentle hands guided me back down gently. When I opened my eyes again, I could see Claude staring down at me with his big worried orbs. "Just take it easy for once."

I nodded a little, my throat sticking together when I swallowed down my words. Claude somehow saw my discomfort and poured me a glass of water from a pitcher on a nearby stand. "Drink this." he said softly. I took the glass with my good hand and tipped it to my lips as he helped me sit up a little so I wouldn't strain myself. "How're you feeling?" he asked once I finished my glass.

"Sore." I said hoarsely. "What happened?"

Claude took the glass from me with a solemn face and ran a hand through his shaggy hair. "I should be asking you that."

I paused, recalling what had _actually_ happened to me. Some part of me still hoped that it was some sort of sick dream. "I...uh..."

"I know they ganged up on you. I saw them and I just _knew_ something was up. So I went back where they came from and..."

"...And here we are." I finished, feeling my stomach churn. "Yeah, they really showed me." I sighed, closing my eyes and enjoying the temporary darkness. Claude sighed with me and we were quiet for a moment before I decided to speak up again. "Who knows?"

"What?" he asked, pouring himself a cup of water.

"Who else knows what happened?"

Claude took a sip of his drink first before he answered. "The only ones who know that you're in here are me, The Boys, and the doctors. We're keeping this quiet until we find out _exactly_ what happened."

"The Boys? Why do they know about this?" I asked, sitting up a little only to have Claude push me back down.

"Someone had to clean up the mess in the kitchen. I figured they'd be the people to call, especially since they're easy to keep quiet." he explained and all I could do was nod in agreement. Even my face was killing me! Everything felt tender, like I'd just been used as a chew toy for a titan. Just then, the doctor walked into the room with his little clip board. When he noticed I was awake, he looked at me with a kind smile.

"Awake at last, how're you feeling?" the man asked, and I shifted a little in my spot.

"Sore...and in need of a shower." I said, making the two men in the room crack a smile.

"Ah, well we can take care of that last bit in a while. For now, I need to do a little exam." the doctor said, walking forward to pull back the covers from my legs. There was a splint on one while heavy bruises littered my pale skin. I wiggled my toes for the doctor, lifted my legs up, and did everything he asked as he worked his way up my body. All in all, I was just banged up. The bruises would fade and the fractures would heal, but there was still a lingering threat of Petra and her little gang in case they ever decided to come back and finish the job. Not that they would, Petra's not smart enough to pull of something like that. She didn't even bother to hide the evidence of her last attack. My boys had to do that for her! "Alright," the doctor sighed, grabbing my good hand and helping me off the bed. I wobbled a little on my feet before leaning on Claude for support. "I'll give you a crutch to walk with and something to help with the pain. We're gonna keep you here for tonight, then after that you'll be free to roam around wherever you please. Do you want a nurse to help you shower?"

I shook my head and offered the man a small smile. "No thanks, I'll be fine on my own. But I wouldn't mind someone walking me there!" I said, sending a cheeky smile at Claude, only to have him give me an unamused stare.

"If your face wasn't so fucked up, I'd shove you away." he said in a mocking voice, but his face lit up a moment later and laced our arms at the elbow. "But it'd be an honor, my lady!"

The doctor shook his head and opened the door for us that led into a smaller room that was connected to the infirmary. It was simple, just a toilet, sink and a bath with a shower head mounted on the wall above so that the patient could sit or stand depending on their injury. I limped into the room slowly, and took the towels from Claude that he handed me from the doorway with a grateful nod. "Thanks, friend."

"Need anymore help?" he asked, still lingering by the door. Worry seemed to be permanently etched into his young face.

I shook my head. "No, I'll be fine. Go get something to eat while I do this, relax." I insisted, but the man still seemed hesitant. "...I'll have someone get you if anything happens, okay?" I said, and finally he gave a reluctant nod.

"Alright, I'll see you later then." he said, and I could hear the gentle click of the lock as it closed behind him. I let out a little sigh through my nose once I was alone and tucked a lock of hair behind my ear. However, my curiosity got the better of me when I spotted a mirror hanging on the wall. I _had_ to look.

"Oh man." I hissed as I limped over. My fingers lightly grazed the bruised, swollen skin that was caused by Petra's vicious kicks. My eyebrow was split and stitched, and one of my eyes was partially shut from the swelling. Self depreciating jokes were usually my forte, but somehow it seemed wrong now. Maybe it was the fact that I was attacked by Levi's squad for the fact that we were together. I had to be serious now, I didn't have the strength to kid myself when I was alone.

So I put my head against the mirror and tried not to smash my face into it.

What a mess.

With a final sigh, I pushed away from the mirror without giving myself a second glance and let the loose gown slip down my arms and onto the ground. And as reality dawned on me, I probably should've asked for help. With my splints and stitches and bandages, taking a bath or a shower was going to be difficult. But before I could even begin to devise some sort of plan for myself, the sound of loud but muffled voices made me hastily grab for my gown on the ground.

 _"Where is she?"_

 _"She's not here."_

 _"You're lying."_

 _"Captain, I can assure you that I-"_

 _"Don't waste your breath."_

Then, something heavy fell to the floor as if to validate his words. _"I'm sorry, he forced it out of me!"_

I put my head in my hand as poor little Reese's scared voice echoed through the room.

 _"I didn't force anything out of you. I looked at you, and you caved."_

 _"..."_

 _"That's what I thought, now move."_

Footsteps made their way closer to the door and I settled on sitting on the side of the tub so that I could hold the gown to my chest and not worry about keeping my balance. In all honesty, I hadn't even begun to think about what I'd tell Levi in case he ever found out. In fact, the whole idea of keeping this quiet was so that he _wouldn't_ find out. But then again, he was The Captain. He knew _everything_.

I bowed my head down as the door opened, shielding my eyes from the bright light that seemed to overpower the dim atmosphere in the small room. My hair seemed to create a curtain between us as I felt his cold eyes land on me, and I was grateful for it.

 _"Ellie..."_


	19. Say It

_"Ellie..."_

I peeked up at the man who was still standing in the doorway. His eyes met mine, and something inside of him shifted. Was it pity that was seemingly engraved on his face? Sadness? Confusion? _Anger?_ I couldn't tell, but he'd only begun to scratch at the surface of me. As he stood in the doorway, he couldn't see the splint on my leg from behind the gown or the endless bruising and stitching that that were covered as well. Even my hair covered the brutality that marred my face, leaving only the bandaging on my wrist for him to see. "What're you doing here?" I asked, my voice didn't sound like mine. It sounded so... _small._

"Do you not expect me to look for you after you suddenly disappear for a few days?" he asked, a small sneer forming and I had to look away. The look on his face was making my throat burn like I'd just downed ten shots of hard liquor.

"You're right. Sorry." I said, not knowing what else to say that would calm him down. Levi stood there silently for a second, the anxious faces of Reese and the rest of The Boys that had suddenly showed up were visible from behind his legs. Then, ever so quietly, Levi stepped into the room and let the door slip shut behind him. My breath hitched as I heard the smooth lock of the door and the sound of that _damned_ man walking over to me.

"Hey," he said, standing over me with his hands on his hips. It took him a moment or two to realize that I wasn't about to look at him before he eventually kneeled down to my level. "Look at me."

Concern instantly washed itself over his face once our eyes met again. That hard mask he always wore seemed to crumble once he brushed the curtain of hair back behind my ear. His hands settled on my arms as he knelt down, but his eyes were drawn down to the splint and bandages. He saw the bruises and scratches that littered every square inch of me, and gently pulled the gown away from me. His hands felt hot on my cold skin as they grazed the thick bandages on my stomach and chest. " _Ellie..._ what happened to you?" Levi asked, his voice sounded almost as pained as I felt.

"I...I..." I struggled to form any sort of explanation as my throat seemed to suddenly stick together and all my frustration came forward in one giant swoop. "I just wanna take a shower!" I choked out, my eyebrows arching up painfully. The stitches on my eyebrow groaned in protest and I hate to admit it, but my eyes at that familiar burn to them. Levi looked at me as I hastily wiped away the moisture from my eyes with my better hand and gave a slight nod, never once looking away from me. I watched as he reformed that hard, emotionless mask on his face as he stood up and I couldn't help but put my head in my hand again. This was what I was afraid of, that I'd lose it and he'd walk out. Crying soldiers are a nuisance, in all honesty. Death was all around us, I've seen Levi treat lives of new recruits that lose control of themselves in the field. I'm just surprised he didn't treat mine as soon as I started getting choked up.

"Move over."

My head snapped up, not realizing that he was still in the room and my eyes widened when I realized what was going on. His jacket was hung up on one of the far hooks on the wall and he was just finishing rolling his sleeves up to his elbows. A dry cloth was clutched in one of his hands as he walked over to me and reached behind my back to turn on the faucet to the tub. "Levi, you don't-"

"I want to. Now move." he said, his deep voice was commanding but I did as I was told and moved my ass over so that he could squeeze in next to me. He didn't say anything as he wet the cloth and moved my hair over my far shoulder so that he could wipe down my neck. I couldn't help but close my eyes and sigh through my nose as the warm water ran down my chilled skin.

Another lapse of silence passed before I could speak again. "What did Reese tell you?" I croaked as Levi worked his way down my arm, carefully working around the splint.

"Nothing much. Just your little _friend_ had your squad clean up the bloody mess you or whoever left behind."

I winced a little as he ran the cloth a little too harshly over my arm. Levi pulled his hand away and took a deep breath before starting again a little more gently. "I suppose it was me who left that mess behind." I said, and Levi took a moment to wring the cloth out in the tub.

"Who attacked you." he said, wetting the cloth and once again wringing it out, but over my head this time. I closed my eyes and tipped my head back as he poured more water on my head and started to run his fingers through my hair.

"I didn't really know any of them." I said. It wasn't really a lie, but it wasn't exactly the truth either. Levi's eye began to twitch.

"Them? How many were there."

"I don't know, maybe four or five."

"What did they want?"

"...They were teaching me a lesson."

"Lesson?" he asked, leaning over to look me in the eye. If it wasn't for that little wrinkle on his forehead, he'd be just was impassive as ever. I wrung my hair out in the tub and took the cloth from Levi so that I could quickly finish washing myself. "Eli, answer me."

"Can we talk about this later, please? Preferably when I'm dressed." I asked, and the man reluctantly nodded. Levi helped me stand and he even helped me with the gown, tying it in a way that it wouldn't slip open. Bless him, he was being so patient with me. It made my heart fly and sink at the same time. "Levi, hold on." I said, as I leaned on my crutch while he went to unlock the door with his jacket in hand.

"What?" he asked, his hand on the knob.

"I just- wanted to say thank you. You're kind to care...but you don't have to keep doing this..." I said, my voice once again becoming uncharacteristically small. Levi looked at me like I was an absolute idiot who was spouting nonsense. So the man sighed, with one hand on his hip and the other pinching the bridge of his nose before walking over to me.

"Come on, we can talk somewhere else besides a bathroom." he said, gently looping his arm around my waist and leading us out of the room. In the next room there seemed to be a plethora of people waiting for us. The Boys had knocked over their seats when they stood, causing the nurses to jump and the doctor to shoot them a look. Claude stood in front of all of them with his arms folded across his chest with a pissed look on his face. "What." Levi asked, his eyes narrowing just a hint. Claude opened his mouth to speak, but paused once he saw the two of us together. Maybe he noticed how uncharacteristically gentle Levi was being, or how his damp shirt and my wet hair seemed to make things add up for him.

"Nothing, just worried is all." he said, dropping his arms from his chest and shifting his eyes away. The Boys shifted anxiously in their spots and I rested a hand on my stomach to try to sooth the aching stitches. Levi seemed to take that as his cue and led me back to my bed where I could rest for the moment. The doctor immediately came to my side to do another exam while Levi took the opportunity to drag Claude out of the room by his collar.

I looked over at The Boys and offered them a reassuring smile to try to ease their anxiety, but Reese looked like he was about to throw up in his spot. "Reese," I croaked. "come 'ere."

The smallest of the brothers looked up at me with sad eyes before slowly shuffling over. When he became close enough I grabbed one of his hands with my good one and gave his arm a little shake. "What's wrong?" I asked. The boy wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his jacket and I felt my heart drop down to my stomach. He was a soldier, but he was still a kid with a lot of feelings to sort out.

"I'm sorry..." he mumbled, his hand squeezing mine. "I didn't mean to tell, I really didn't! I just- I didn't- please don't be mad!" he sobbed, and I immediately yanked him down to sit on the bed with me. I put my arm around him with my hand resting on his head, pulling him close in a mock hug. However, my sad attempt at comfort only seemed to make him feel worse. His brothers just stood there watching.

"I'm not mad, Bud. Not even a little." I said softly, running my fingers through his hair. "In fact, Claude told me what you all did for me, and I'm very grateful for all of you." I said, addressing the rest of the group. Arlo was the next one to join me on the bed, then Gable, and then Nash. The bed groaned in protest from all the weight, and I didn't even mind the way my stitches throbbed as they enveloped me in a group hug, the cheesy bastards. Over the time that they'd been assigned to me, I've been assigned the role of Squad Leader Jackson and unofficial older sister. I was hesitant at first when they expressed how they felt, but then again...I've never had a connection to anyone like this before. It felt good, like the hole that was ripped in me from my past was slowly being repaired through... _this._ Levi said it was wrong, but I think he secretly likes seeing everyone at peace.

The door to the infirmary opened a couple minutes later to reveal a stoic Levi and an usually red faced Claude. The Boys slowly clambered off the bed as Levi walked up to me, and he held out his hand so that he could help me up. "Ready to go?"

...

By the time we got back to Levi's room, I was exhausted. The man practically had to carry me through the door and to the bed. Levi set me down gently and ran a hand over my cheek before walking out of the room again. I leaned against the pillows that were _so much more_ softer than the ones in the infirmary and allowed my eyes to slide shut while Levi was gone.

I don't know how long I was asleep for or if I even fell asleep in the first place. It was like I shut my eyes for a second, and then suddenly Levi was sitting on the side of the bed with a cup of tea and a plate in his hands. His face looked rather bored, but something seemed off in his gaze. He almost looked distressed. "Levi." I moaned, reaching over to set my hand on top of his. He scooted back further onto the bed, beckoning me to sit up.

"Here. Now open," he ordered, handing me the cup of tea and holding out a forkful of some sort of noodles. We sat there for a while quietly while I finished my dinner but it wasn't long before it felt like the stitches in my stomach were going to pop. I continued to hold the cup of warm tea to my chest as Levi took the dirty dish out of the room only to return a moment later. "Are you ready to talk now?" he asked, and I reluctantly nodded. Levi nodded to himself as he slowly worked on stripping off his uniform. "Alright. Who attacked you?"

"I don't know."

"You didn't know who they were?"

"A couple looked familiar."

"Why did they do it."

I looked away from Levi as he worked on unbuttoning his shirt. "Because...they said that I wasn't good enough."

Levi paused. "Not good enough for what?"

"..." I didn't know how to say it. My mouth hung open like a fish gaping for water.

"Elijah. I'm not fucking around anymore. Tell me." he said, his voice holding a serious tone that was filled with warning and in one swift move, he slipped off his shirt. My throat suddenly felt tight, but I managed to keep my composure together for the first time about this.

"For you." I confessed, and Levi froze. His face remained impassive, but I could see his knuckles turning white on the fabric and as quickly as he'd taken off his shirt, he'd put it back on and was buttoning it up at lightning speed. "No, wait! Levi don't-"

"I'll be back in a bit. Don't wait up." he said, and I started to clamber off the bed in some sad attempt to catch him before he could leave.

"Please-" the splint on my leg became caught in the sheets and a small gasp escaped my lips when I went to jerk my leg out and twisted a little too far. Levi seemed to be there in an instant with his hands on my shoulders as I leaned over and clutched my stomach with shaking hands. He quickly untangled my leg and laid me back down on the bed before checking my bandages like the secretly good man that he was.

"You're a danger to yourself." he mused, but I just shook my head.

"I wasn't about to let you run out with that look in your eyes. It'd look bad if news got out that The Captain murdered some of his own soldiers in the middle of the compound over something stupid." I said, absently rubbing the sore stitching on my stomach and Levi couldn't help but close his eyes and turn away.

"You really are an idiot."

My eyebrows seemed to knit together after that comment. "What do you mean?"

" _This_ isn't stupid." he said, gesturing to me. "We've been at this too long for me to take this lightly. I just...can't." he admitted, and I gave him a soft smile and grabbed one of his hands so that I could rub my thumb over it comfortingly. "So I won't do anything tonight out of fear that you'll end up killing yourself while I'm gone, but I promise that there will be consequences for this."

"I know, I understand. But tonight...can you just stay with me?" I asked, giving his hand one more squeeze. Levi looked at me out of the corner of his eye before giving me a small nod and I smiled again. "Thank you." I said and gently snaked my good hand around his neck so that I could bring him close. We sat close with our lips mere millimeters apart, just barely grazing each other's.

"It's no problem." he said lowly, closing the gap between us. His lips were soft and warm on mine and my heart swelled. After we separated, he stripped himself of his shirt, boots, and jeans before pulling on a pair of clean lounge pants and crawling into bed with me. One of his arms laid itself over my waist so that his hand was resting on my stomach while the other was simple tucked underneath his head. I shuddered at the soft puffs of warm breath that hit the crook of my neck.

"Hey Levi?"

"Hm?"

 _Say it, say it, say it!_

"...Goodnight."


End file.
